A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do you get someone to see that you're not trying to twist things and make it look like 'its them' with the problem? Brief history, split with someone after nearly 2 yrs who lied in the early days. We had split after a yr, i found out he lied, yet after a few months still let him manipulate his way back. Lent him a few grand, we split for good in jan. He wanted to sort it yet again, I made the choice not to for good. Me and my kids are happier on our own right now. It was a rollercoaster 'relationship'(I use that term loosly) and Ive never had such a disfunctional one in my life. Always manage to stay mates with exes, but I seriously dont like this guy, I'm clawing the money back in dribs and drabs and dont want any contact with him, apart from when he brings money. I blocked txt from his number, so he could only ring land line when he had some cash for me because we always ended up bitching in txt about the money. I thought that was sensible. And listened to my rents advising me he's using it as a control thing. Yet he always pushes it so that we are being civil and txting each other again, him asking about my day and where I'm going out weekends! And the circle continues. I hate all that, and dont consider him a friend. And admittedly I stomach it all, and keep it civil, so i get my money back! We got a bit narked again in txt saturday about the money, last night he sends txt which is obviously meant for someone else saying thanks for last night and being a tru friend and helping me see things normally will let you know about saturday. I made a joke of it and let him know he sent it to wrong person, said i was genuinely pleased he's got a good friend thats helped him see things clearer, then i get the txt saying he must of sent it to both of us, but she's a good friend, and also she's a counsellor and made him see its me twisting things and trying to make him feel he's in the wrong. It shouldn't bother me, but it does. I'm not interested in the guy, only getting whats mine, back. But I am bothered if I really am a loon. I'm now wondering if it is me. He doesn't understand that because he lied before, and we are now split, that I simply dont trust him where the monies concerned. Its him thats dragging it all out, its not like he's not earning good money. He keeps saying he has good mates that know he's trustworthy and too nice. Although all his mates are drinking buddies that binge drink every night. I call those aquaintances, not true friends.But I dunno..Maybe it is all me, I cant see how, seeing as I dont want anything from him but my money back. But he's great at making people feel like they are being mean to him.Help me out here, I'm not young, but maybe I'm still not getting the hang of this thing called life?! Should I be able to trust someone sfter they lied? Have I got trust issues going on possibly?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThats a very good point actually. Its definately not the principle though. I lent it to him for what was suppose to be 2 weeks when we were an item, that was in december. Times up. I want it back. Ive currently got another plan up my sleeve to retreive it anyway.
3998.20 dollars to 2000 GBP to be precise. So Mr Google says anyways xxxxxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUh huh, yes thats true. Its exciting, the looking forward to getting shot of him completely, almost like looking forward to getting shot of a hunk of junk of a car lol
Cheers ears xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes ive had a good think and you all made very good points. Anon was spot on about giving it too much of my time. That needs to stop today. q1605 is right about keeping it civil, then pushing him under a bus. Haha nah i am kidding! And Shandygirl yes, i will definately be cutting off all contact. I guess at the end of the day whoever is moaning at who out of the 2 of us, its just even more of an indication that we wouldn't even get on as friends, let alone lovers. We tried the friends thing last yr after splitting the first time, and he wormed his way back. I need to stop being soft and letting people manipulate me. My mum taught me a valuable lesson after we split the begining of the year, she said what annoyed her was seeing me end it, be certain it was what i wanted, but let him talk me round, more times than once. This time ive remembered what she said, and kept him away, emotionally. Its just the money left now, its a bit much to write off for bills, it 2 thousand. I think thats about 4 thousand in dollars? But I have mentioned my car mot is running out next month and he said he will let me know. Shall stop letting it wind me up and wait n see now.
You're all great, I was lucky, i got all the good quality aunts it seems!
Thanks again. xxxx
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reader, shandygirl  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Make up a story to get your money back. Tell him you need to pay overdue bills or your electricity, phone, gas, and what ever else will get shut off. It is an emergency, and you need your money back! Make it sound as horrible as possible.
Then after you get your money... shut off ALL communication with him, and don't ever let him manipulate you again. I don't think you have trust issues, I think your instincts are screaming in your ear to get away from this guy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrusting him isn't important anon. I'm questioning if i have trust issues with 'anyone'. In general. Because apparently i am suppose to of trusted this guy and trust he will pay money back when he did a fair bit of lying in the past. About various things. Too much to put in here. Guess i wondered if I have been a bit hard on the him, simply because of the past. The bit about his mates not being mates, more aquaintences, was a thinking out loud about their supposed loyalty to him and saying what a nice guy he is. I always think if you only see people when you're out on the raz, they aren't real mates? Believe me, if i could go back a yr and only of had him lie, i would be a happy bunny! lol xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaha G1605, that made me chuckle. But also made sense, in places! ha! I dont for a minute think he is dangerous, otherwise yes, i would quit the money and run. But its a fair bit of cash. There is no question of a reconsiliation once the money is sorted. This will sound nasty, but every possibility of him being able to contact me at all will be blocked. It makes me feel pukey even feeling i have to be civil, just in the hope of getting back as much of the money as i can so i couln't even slightly pretend to give it another go at anytime. Once its over, i will run as fast as my very short legs will carry me. I dont hate him, i just dont like him, and he wouldn't be someone i would chose as a friend, if that makes sense. And all this has been such a nightmare, i just want to put it all behind me and be free of it all.
I dont know what its all about from him even, ive always been honest and made it clear i wont ever go back, he said he was happy with that but just wanted to stay friends. Yet even when we have had disagreements recently about the money, ive been silly enough to say i just want this sorted and to be rid of him, he still snakes his way back to pally chit chat? Ive done the 'not getting into conversation, about anything only contact when you have some money' thing, and blocked him more than once, he tells my 13 yr old son he wont cause trouble, and i end up unblocking him, maybe thinking it will speed up the cash return! Its going round ad round and round. Thats a big chunk of the bit that makes me think he doesn't listen to anyone but himself if someone says they dont particularly like you, why keep trying to be chummy? The brief times we havent been in contact, have been bliss!
I guess Im just concerned that if i ignore him now, i wont see another penny. Money isn't everything no, but iv got 2 children that i would quite like to save that money for their futures. It was the last of some inheritance i received from my gran.
You were saying i'm a loon in her eyes because of what he says about me, maybe the same could be said in here with what i'm saying about him! Oh i dont know! Arggggggggggg sorry, just went a bit loony then lol Paranoia!
Thanks for your opinion. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): You are saying that you only want your money back but why then is getting to trust him so important? You are very much too involved in this man's life to be someone that is trying to get out of it. Why are you concerned about his mates NOT being mates but acquantainces? Ask for your money back and let it be. In my experience, people don't just pay out large sums of money if they don't have to. I think that as a mom you should concentrate your energy on yourself and your kids and stop paying so much attention to someone you don't want to be with. Good luck xx
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