A
female
age
36-40,
*alteser
writes:Dear readers, i have a dilemma and i dont know how to deal with it. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and everything seems to be ok. But lately i have lost all feelings of love and affection for him. I dont know if its a phase im going through i just dont love him anymore. I have felt like this for a few months. I dont know what to do, i feel so guilty because he loves me more than i love him. I know this because people tell me, and when i wanted to leave him he cried and was so sad about it. I just dont know what to do for the best. Do you think that this is a phase because of feelings and hourmones? Or i just dont love him anymore. Please tell me if you have felt like this. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Think:
Are you realizing that everything you thought you liked about him just annoys you now?
Has he changed into a different person than the one yo fell in love with?
Is there something that you really wish you could change about him that you expected to be able to change before you went into the relationship?
Because if the above three questions are answered with a "yes" then you probably don't love him. But if they're no, because you loved him for the right reasons and for who he was and therefor didn't want to change anything about him, and he's still the same person he'l always been, then there is not reaosn for you to have fallen out of lvoe with him! People say they grow apart, but what they really need to be doing if growing together. Reexplore your feelings for him now and the feelings you remember you used to have and make a decisioin. It may jsut be the excitement has worn off. Maybe you two aren't creative wnough in what you do. Do you do the same thing every time you are together? You go to his place, he makes you dinner, you watch a movie or TV? Think of something new and fresh and don't feel like you have to see each other every day.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): Hi there,
i've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Our 1st year and a half together was great then my feelings for him started to fade..i used to get this horrible sinking feeling in my stomach and because of it i treated him shitty. He noticed and told me straight if i wanted to leave him i should...that shocked me as i realised i was never going to find anyone as loving or as caring as him.
I still now..get that feeling but am still with him..is it fear of being alone? Fear of hurting him? I dont know....all i know is everytime i think of leaving him something happens i.e a really bad day at work...or someone falls ill...and its him i turn too and im so grateful i have him.
He also loves me more than i love him.
I'd say listen to you gut instict but sometimes its confusing so maybe see how it goes for a few months....Failing that suggest a "break". U are young and its normal to change your mind and feelings.
x
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (8 May 2009):
 I've felt like this before. I've been in my current relationship for nearly three years and there has been a phase where I have though 'what's the point?' But if you care for him then that's enough to get past the phase and hopefully you'll find yourself loving him again. If you can't see this happening then its probably best to be firm with him and to leave him, its not worth wasting time. I think hormones have a lot to do with the phases which a relationship goes through. I have terrible mood swings and my hormones are all over the place and sometimes my relationship suffers because of it, as much as I hate to admit this! Its up to you what you decide to do but I would advise you to always be honest about your feelings to your boyfriend. Explain to him that you think your hormones are causing you to feel less attached to him than you did when you first met, tell him that you want to work through this problem but you will need his help. He needs to support you and be there for you but he also needs to give you space when you ask for it, tell him that you asking for space isn't personal, its just that you need time alone. You don't want to upset your boyfriend as I'm sure he's a very good partner! Good luck! X
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A
female
reader, kayliv +, writes (8 May 2009):
 hi i feelt like this with my second serious boyfriend, in the early days it was talk of marriage holidays everything, but about 18 months down the line i just fell out of love, i explained it to him how i was feeling and he cried and begged me to give him another chance, so out of guilt i stayed but it was never the same and after a while i started to resent him and ended up leaving him anyway and he got nasty. so i think it would be best if u told him now before u resent him. leave with happy memories and friends if u can x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): i have felt this way before. you're the only one that knows in your heart if you don't love this guy any more. when i felt this way, i left. and he did cry, but i thought...if i stayed with him and i don't love him then I'll just be hurting him every day. i wouldn't be happy either. i left him because i couldn't love him and i thought he deserved to be loved because he was the sweetest, nice guy i had ever met. but for some reason i couldn't love him. everything happened for the best. i have a new bf and we have a 2 year old, he has a wife and 2 sons, so i think everything is okay.... if your bf is going to cry, don't get back with him, just let him know where you stand. always apologize because its not his fault you have fallen out of love with him...
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