A
male
age
41-50,
*henk10
writes:Hi everyone,Yesterday I went on a second date with a really nice girl (beautiful, intelligent, etc etc) which I thought went quite well but when I sent her a message afterwards to say thanks I got no response (normally she responds within a couple of hours). We share a lot of the same interests (books/ political views) and there didn't seem to be a problem with conversation but I think maybe I messed up by not kissing her goodbye. She has recently come out of a long term relationship so I didn't want to get physical too soon. However now I feel like I've blown my chances with her by not making my feelings obvious enough and maybe appearing disinterested!! I realise this is probably very uninteresting stuff but for me its a big deal as I'm pushing thirty and never seem to get beyond one/two dates with girls I like. Any suggestions for recovering this situation/ not getting in a similar mess in future would be most welcome.
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female
reader, Inutashy  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 well i wouldnt worry if she dosnt answer in a day or two, somtimes you just dont think to, maybe ask her if you two could go out agian via phone call email ect and see what the answer is, and the not kissing part i wouldnt worry to much about, especially if you happen to get to a point were you can tell her why you didnt kiss her, hope it goes well!
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (28 February 2011):
 hi
try not to beat yourself up about this. it takes two to make a success of a date or relationship so why are you worrying that YOU are the one that didn't do enough? did you kiss on or at the end of your first date? was the first date a meet up or was it the first time you met (say, on a night out where you had both been drinking - sorry to presume, just trying to eliminate some reasons for her seeming disinterest now after this latest meeting)
it could be that she thought she would give you more of a chance for chemistry to develop by going on a second date with you, this is what i tend to do, and maybe for her it still hasn't so she doesn't want to waste your time. still no reason not to text you back though.
did the message you sent require an answer or was it left open to reply another day? i would leave this as long as you can possibly bear leaving it - and if you haven't heard from her text her again, not with anything heavy or asking what the problem is, just a nice friendly text and see does she respond and if so what the tone of the reply is, this will show you if she is really interested or not.
i am not dissing this just because it is only the second date, i know it means a lot to you and you feel awful, not knowing how this has happened. if this sort of thing keeps happening to you, maybe you could take a look at your own behaviour and it might show you why. do you think maybe you could be coming across as TOO keen at such an early stage even? a lot of people do not like it because they feel like you might have ulterior motives if you appear TOO nice! which is ridiculous i know, but thanks to the charmers and players of this world we (especially women) have to be mindful of stuff like this.
best wishes and i hope she texts you! :)
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Hello,I wouldn't worry too much about it. Sometimes, it could be that she's already in bed or is doing something else. Did it seem like she enjoyed herself when you both were out and about town?You're not pushing it was also a good thing...but that's in my opinion. The best thing you can do is wait for her. Maybe you can also text her or call her or whatever it is to get in touch with her and ask her out for coffee or a movie or something. Whatever the circumstance, I know you'll be fine. You seem like a great person and any woman who has you will be the luckiest cause it seems like you think of their needs first and that's a good thing!!!
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