A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all Have been friends with gut from work for years , he split from wife last year and flirted with me - I told him it was too soon for him but that I liked him . He then started talking again months later but then went quiet again - I left him to it . In November we started texting again and spent the night together which was lovely - he was speaking to me after it and he was the one initiating contact - then on a work do I made the mistake of saying I wanted more - he looked terrified and said he couldn’t because if his son but it wasn’t because he didn’t want to !!!He has now stopped texting etc asked if I was okay after the do because apparently him and another saw me to the hotel but nothing Have I blown it by asking for more ? I don’t know why I did that - not even sure myself what I want from him ?? Will he back Thank you
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (4 January 2020):
 To answer your question OP, you asked him that because it's what you felt. It's what you wanted. You have every right to want to be loved and appreciated. He, however, does not want anything serious by the sounds of things, and he, too, is allowed to feel that way for whatever reason. Perhaps he still has to sort through his feelings and his past which is understandable. It isn't particularly responsible of either of you to get involved in this way especially since you two work together so now it's going to be pretty awkward. He is definitely looking for a rebound situation and perhaps thought that he had found that in you hence why he was so panicked when you said that you wanted more. He doesn't want more. He likes it how it is; texting you whenever and giving the bare minimum in order to get what he wants and that's fine but that's not for you. My advice is to cut all contact with him since there are no mutual feelings and to try to find someone that is on the same page that you're on. Someone who wants to date and reach milestones. Someone who can love you and be there for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2020): I agree 100% with Honeypie. You did not blow anything!! You had a legit reason to state what you felt. It’s just that HE isn’t on the same page. Regardless of your actions or inactions, words or no words, the outcome would be the same.
Please move on and find someone worth your while, someone who actually wants to be with you. Someone who, when you say you want more, will jump at the chance to be with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2020): You haven't blown it because it wasn't going anywhere. He only wanted a FWB from the sounds of things and while you might not be sure what you want, it sounds like you want more than that or you wouldn't be asking. Don't try and talk yourself into settling for less.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2020): You blew it when you messed around with a coworker. This is the usual outcome of such liaisons. The tough part is having to look at him 35 to 40 hours per week afterwards. He took what he wanted, and you willingly gave it to him. You want more? Sorry, that's all you had coming to you! Seek romance away from your workplace.
Lesson learned.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 January 2020):
 No you haven't blown anything that was going to BE anything.
He WAS hoping for a rebound/fling - you obliged.
He didn't know YOU were more serious.
Know HE knows and has backed off, and YOU know and can now back off too.
HE IS NOT looking for anything serious, son or not. So unless you are fine being his rebound and casual sex partner, I'd say wish him well and block him, and move on.
Now he MIGHT contact you again, hoping YOU have seen the light and would be OK with being his casual no strings sex partner when HE wants it.... But when he is GOOD and ready to start dating seriously, he won't be asking you.
So my advice is this, DO NOT romance in the work place. It's not professional and it's not emotionally smart.
Let this one go. He isn't done with his marriage, splitting from a spouse is NOT the same as being single, really. Not until the INK is dry on the divorce decree and that person has taken some time to figure out where they are in life, what they want in life and what they have to offer. He is NOT there yet.
Sorry, he is a dud.
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