A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Basically this is a problem with me not knowing what to do.A girl that I slept with a fair while back, but hadn't seen in some time, recently started seeing me again despite minimal contact (a couple of texts) over the time apart. We've been out frequently, done little and larger things together, but never had anything more than just a kiss during this time at the end of a day or night.I had initially known that there wasn't going to be any serious commitment, but starting to do a lot more together and sharing our problems seemed to counteract that a little bit...I then made a huge mistake and slept with one of my best friends after having her round to my house to catch up and talk about our respective lovelives. I had never expected it to happen but it did, drunkenly.Anyway, I recently saw the girl I had been seeing (somewhat) out at night, kissing another person, and whilst I was a little sad I wasn't overly annoyed. I still asked her about it so I knew where I stood. I was told again that she can't commit, and that we can't have a fully-on relationship (which I don't actually mind and didn't ask for). It was made out to be that she had done something really bad, and couldn't tell me for not wanting to hurt my feelings; so I told her about sleeping with my best friend and was pretty much snubbed, told I can't see her properly now.My problem is where to go from here. I do like the girl, I do love seeing her and talking to her, but I am young and want to go out and have a bit of fun without the fear of hurting her because I don't know where we stand. I feel I want to explain things to her, but she is refusing to listen and thinks that the matter is over with and that we can just be friends.Anyway...any advice is appreciated, basic question is - where do I go from here? Is time needed or have I been the rat here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem is that I think we both want more.
I certainly do, as I put a lot of effort in the girl, I felt it was a lot more than just the aftermath of a one-night stand. Nothing had changed prior and I'd seen her a couple of days previously and was generally excited to see her on the night that it all happened.
In regards to the first answer, I felt exactly the same when I saw her with another person, but it just seems like I'm not allowed to go and do the same if she knows about it. She didn't seem sorry about me seeing her with him, and to be fair I really wasn't overly bothered as long as I could still see her and be linked romantically.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (20 November 2010):
 It doesn't sound like you have been a rat. You were not in a proper exclusive relationship with girl you like so it is probably not cheating. This girl is also seeing other people from what you write. It just sounds like you are both young and having fun. You both don't want a full-on relationship at the moment. She is angry because she thought (and enjoyed the fact) that you liked her a lot. Revealing that you have been with another woman has deflated her ego a little bit and she is not happy about that as she doesn't feel special anymore. I think you have just got to give her some time. It could be that you will see her out and about in the future when she has cooled down. She may miss your company and want to remain friends, or more at a later date. There is nothing you can do about the situation at the moment.
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