A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm just going to put this out there straight away - I'm 15 and the guy I am hopelessly head over heels in love with is 22. I think about him all the time, he's the hottest guy I've ever seen and I don't know what to do. He's totally out of my league, I know that, but I work with him and I only get to see him once a week, usually less. I know it sounds stupid, but everything I do, I behave like he's watching me. I know it sounds ridiculous but it helps. I miss him all the time, and it can sometimes bring me to tears when I know I'm not going to even see him for weeks. At the moment, he's gone away and I'm not going to see him till the end of October and it's like he's torn a piece of me away and taken it with him. It's awful.The thing is though, if he was a total asshole, I wouldn't feel this way. The only problem is that he isn't an asshole - he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met. He will always talk to me when he sees me; on his breaks, he comes and sits with me and we just chat like we've been friends for ages. He talks to me like we're just mates, even though he knows I like him - I get teased about it, and whenever he hears he's just like 'don't worry, I don't mind'.But it must all really embarrass him. To him, I'm probably just this silly little girl with a silly crush. I probably come across as being really immature, but he still treats me like an adult and like there's nothing going on between us.It's probably just my imagination, but I see him staring at me, and whenever he gives me money (I work behind a till in a café and he works in the reception, so he buys drinks etc) he always touches my hand. When I give people money, I kind of drop it into their hand - not from a height, but just so I can avoid awkward hand touching. He definitely doesn't do that. He goes out of his way to help me, and talks to me whenever he can. He offers me lifts home, but he's very conscious of the fact that I'm not legal... I think he cares about what other people will think, but he doesn't really mind. I get butterflies whenever I talk to him, or even see him, and after I talk to him I get really shaky. I know I shouldn't love someone who makes me nervous, but trust me, I can't help it. I don't know if he has a girlfriend. I have genuinely got no idea. Although, since he's the way he is, it wouldn't surprise me if he did. It's weird to put him in this category, but it's kind of like the crush you have on a celebrity. You are madly in love with them, you think about them all the time, you fantasize but you never expect to be with them. I don't know. I guess the real reason I'm posting this is because I want to be able to get over him, and find a way to talk to him in a mature way which doesn't make me look like a total d*ck. Please help :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2014): Warning a teenage girl with a crush is like talking into an empty room. You can hear your own echo, and it is very likely no one is listening. There are legalities here. An underage girl pushing the limits for attention from someone older.
In your inexperienced mind, all that matters is how nice he is. From an adult's point of view, we have to make sure no lines are crossed, and it is likely you will cross the lines yourself for the sake of receiving attention and expressing your feelings. Even worse, you work with him. That gives you a excuse for being very close, and a lot of opportunities for inappropriate touching. You will never tell to protect him.
You will make yourself available and will do everything to angle and place yourself inappropriately close. You know what illegal means, but not as seriously as an adult would.
So you will allow things to happen that if an another adult saw it, and reported it. He would end up in trouble.
You're totally innocent. You just don't understand how dangerous a underage crush can be; if the adult in the situation forgets the legal and moral barriers, and gets caught.
I don't think the friendship is cute nor appropriate; because it is between a girl with a big crush and a man. The girl is infatuated and the man is too friendly; which encourages the impressionable young girl. Who is willing to ignore all the dangers to satisfy her crush.
I read comments from young people who write so intelligently, and insist on how mature they are. The problem with that is, they will challenge authority and resist wisdom offered in their own protection. They have no experience to base their intelligent comments on; it's argument without real backup. It takes years to solidify knowledge with wisdom and learn how to apply what you know to everyday life. I learn everyday of my life. I also listen to advice. I'll never know everything.
Throughout your post, all you did was express your feelings and how much he means to you. This is exactly how the worst situations imaginable can happen.
Do you care enough for him, that you will back away so it will keep things safe for yourself; and there will not be a situation he has any opportunity to make a mistake? I hope you would, but I fear you won't.
Your feelings are more important to you. You don't understand why the law protects you, so you will not respect it. The problem is, it doesn't matter if you do or don't. It is up to him, and that is my major concern about this mess. I call it a mess, because I don't like the possibility and probability that he will do something inappropriate with you. You will do everything you can to make it happen. You want his approval and attention all too badly for it to be appropriate.
I hope with everything in me, that he is a good man and he will respect the law and realize you are just a innocent girl under the protection of the law. You idolize him like a star, and he's your first big crush. Adults should never view children as they view another adult. Treating you like an adult should only mean he respects you. That he "talks" to you like an adult, because you are a bright young lady. Not because he thinks of you like an adult.
In the eyes of the law you are a child, and that is why you are protected. I've had face-offs with girls your age on DC insisting they are women. Then almost a month later; one came back on an IM and told me she was sorry she was disrespectful. She gets really scared and confused, and she thought she had to be an adult. I told her she has to be mature; but only as far as it is comfortable for her at her age. She has plenty of time to grow-up, that is why her parents still apply rules and protect her. Why it is the responsibility of all adults to protect children and young people. Even it they rebel and don't like it.
Touching you is inappropriate. If he continues to touch you, I hope he is caught by another person and he gets into trouble and fired. If you behave yourself, you can help keep it a proper friendship with nothing romantic involved. The real responsibility is on him. Others are watching when you think they aren't. The may even be spying on you to make sure. He should be worried people will think the wrong thing. That is because they might.
You know why the others tease you both? It's to remind him
that you're just a kid and they are watching him. He offers you rides, which means they will watch him even closer. No matter where you are, somebody's watching. That's good. You might try to hide things.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 September 2014):
 Not going to work out,age difference is way too great, gotta move on kiddo, sorry...you can thank us all later in life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2014): I'm sorry, doll, but Mark1978 has some very good points.
7 years is quite a large age gap at your age, people seem to view this age gap as a negative thing until you're over the age of 20. Why I'm not sure, but it's the way of the world, doll.
I do agree with Mark that this is probably just a teenage crush and not actually love, like he said, love takes a lot of time. But at your age, a teenage crush can feel like the closest you've ever been to love, trust me, I get it, I was in your shoes not that long ago.
But you never asked for a lecture and this is probably completely innocent.
The best way to get over this crush is to start looking for someone else closer to your age. All boys are silly and immature when they're your age and sometimes they'll just irritate the hell out of you, but there are some nice boys there too, you just have to look for them and stop reaching for the people that are out of your reach, it'll only end in disappointment.
The reason he said he doesn't mind you having a crush on him is probably because he knows it's not going to go anywhere, he's probably just trying to make you feel more comfortable when other people tease you about it.
A good way to appear more mature is not to get embarrassed when they tease you, just laugh it off and carry on as if nothing is happening, eventually they'll stop doing it and you'll be able to control and hide your feelings for this man. Also, when you're talking to him, don't giggle like a little girl (I'm not saying you do this but most people do when they're talking to someone they like), don't stare at him, shrug off some of the things he says, sometimes refuse a lift home with him, don't let yourself get hot and bothered and start to blush. Just talk to him the way you would to anyone else and don't look needy. He already knows you fancy him and you said it yourself that he probably won't date you, so stop trying to impress and just be yourself.
While he's gone, don't think about him, don't imagine the way things could be if you dated, think of him as a friend or work colleague and nothing more because he isn't anything more than that.
You're in the adult world of work and as childish as some people can be, if you hope to get anywhere in life, you need to be the mature one and stop acting the way you see other people act.
Good luck, doll :)
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (21 September 2014):
 Op you need to be very careful here, you sound quite naïve to the realities of this situation.
You are a child of 15, a minor, a child under the age of consent. You may feel grown up and he may treat you like an adult but you are still very young and in the eyes of the law a child. He is a grown man, and adult well into his twenties. It would be completely inappropriate for you and him to have any kind of relationship. Doing so would cause him a lot of problems.
In his day and age all adults have a responsibility to ensure all contact with children under 16 is "appropriate", as having a relationship with a 15 year old when he is 22 could well end up with him being labelled a peaodophile or accused of grooming you.
No disrespect but the feelings you are describing are very much a teenage crush. Loving someone properly takes time in that persons company one on one within a relationship, not being handed money and having your hand touched or conversations at work. What you think is madly in love is a crush, infactuation, a teenage reaction to a hot guy who makes you feel grown up and respected.
OP this guy is either very naïve or being very clever. Any sensible, mature guy in his twenties with honourable intentions would act very differently towards an underage girl. AL workplaces have strict codes of conduct where underage staff are concerned and all adult staff members have to follow quite strict rules to avoid potential issues. If he is offering you lifts home, bigging up your maturity (as men always do when they want to get a teenage girl into bed), touching your hand and flirting then he is acting completely inappropriately.
You may well see it different, but with respect, you are a teenage girl wit a wild crush. You are not an adult reacting to his actions in an experience and mature way.
Let me please offer you some advice as its very important. There are lots of men his age who wants sex with an innocent, virginal underage girl. These men "groom" their victims for underage sex. They make their victim feel special, loved, mature, etc but its all part of the act. All part of getting sex with an underage girl. The one thing they all have in common is they come across as lovely, loving and nice.
Think about it: Why would a mature, sensible, honest guy in his twenties offer a lift home to an underage girl??? You may see it as flattering, as a grown man I see it very differently.
Even if he is just naïve and foolish - a relationship between you is inappropriate as you are under age, he is 22 and will have sexual urges. What you want from a relationship at 15 is very different to what he will want at 22. you are both at different stages of your life and he is a grown man, you are a child. Stay well clear of this else you will end up in a lot of trouble.
Mark
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