A
female
age
30-35,
*ustSomeoneRandom
writes:I’ve been dating a boy named Coletun for nearly a month. When he first asked me out I told him yes, but then wasn’t quite sure. I was afraid I might have just been saying yes to him because he was the only good guy who had asked me out and I was trying to get over a ‘crush.’ But the more time I spent with him the more I liked him. And now I feel like I could die if he doesn't love me. At first it was great. We’d call each other at night and talk for hours and in the middle of the night text each other if one of us couldn’t sleep. We’d hold hands, go for walks, hug, all that stuff, except kissing. I’d finally convinced my parents to let me go to his farm and on Halloween I went and it was great. He told me he loved me really early, but I couldn’t tell him I did that. I told him he couldn’t honestly love me that soon, but he said he did. I told him love was a really strong emotion and I didn’t love him yet. He seemed okay with that and said I didn’t have to say it. For once I thought things were perfect.Then we started to talk to each other less and less. At first we just said we were tired or in a bad mood, but we both thought the other was mad at us. We had a great weekend out on his farm, but then during the week it all just fell apart. Our mutual friends were starting rumors around school about us having sex – which we weren’t. I wasn’t so upset because with girls rumors get started all the time and I just learned to ignore them. But he got really mad about it. This week neither of us really talked to the other. I thought he was mad at me, but he said he wasn’t; he was just angry at the guys for starting the rumors, he was sick, and tired cuz he has to do all the work on the farm. I still don’t know if he really wants to talk to me, but he keeps asking me why I’M ignoring him. Sure I’ve been in a bad mood, but it was because of him.Then today I was having a horrible day and not being able to talk to Coletun wasn’t making it any better. All morning I was worrying about us. I’m usually really smart in school and even got top average in the junior end of school last year, but today I couldn’t concentrate. I bombed a math test in the morning and got upset with one of my guy friends who had been spreading the rumors, but he apologized and said he was just joking and didn’t mean to make me upset. Then during ELA, me and Coletun are in the same class but sit far away from each other because of our seating plan. When my teacher asked me a question I was thinking about Coletun and not paying attention to class, so I didn’t know the answer. Everyone stared at me like I was dumb but the teacher wouldn’t move on. After a few minutes she finally just told me the answer and it was really obvious once I knew what it was. My face went beat red and tears starting building in my eyes. I tried not to cry, but I was at the front so nobody could see my face. Then one of the EA’s who used to be my Guide leader asked me if I was okay. I shook my head yes, but then a tear dropped and then I couldn’t stop crying. I don’t think anyone else noticed though. When the bell finally rang for lunch I went over to Coletun and asked if he wanted to go uptown with me. He said, “Well, I’m still really sick,” and just blew me off. He didn’t say anything else, just left. I went to the bathroom and couldn’t stop crying. When I finally controlled myself I left the washroom and was going to go home, but I saw Coletun talking to my friend Allie up on the balcony. Allie saw that I was crying and she called to me and ran down to talk to me. I don’t know if Coletun saw I was crying or not. We went down to my locker so I could get my coat to leave and while we were down there, a guy in my class named Julian started coming down the hallway. He was the guy starting the sex rumors and he’d been trying to get me and Coletun to break up and telling us to break up with each other. I told Allie to make Julian go away and she did. But I heard him yell down the hallway that I was a bitch. Later Allie went and got Coletun for me so I could talk to him. We didn’t really even talk and I didn’t say anything I wanted to say. I don’t think he knew how upset I truly was. He asked why I wouldn’t talk to him and I just told him that I wasn’t mad at him, I was just messed up right now and it was nothing he was doing. He said he was just mad because of the guys still and proposed that we tell everyone we break up. He said all his friends and practically his whole class are telling him to dump me, that I’m not good enough for him, that he’s not going to get any sex out of me, and that he can do better than me. I told him he could do whatever he wants, so he’s going to tell his friends that we broke up. But I don’t really want that. If he tells people he broke up with me it looks like he thinks they are right. It gets easier for him but it gets way harder for me. He doesn’t understand what I have to go through everyday and it hurts to know that I can’t go to him for help or to make me feel better. And when I told him it wasn’t him that was bothering me, I’m not so sure if that is the truth. I’m not sure if it’s me, or if it really is him that is making me upset. I know I cry a lot, even before I met Coletun, but I’ve been crying constantly this past week and I just can’t stop and I’m not happy. At school it feels like he doesn’t want to talk to me so I don’t’ talk to him, but once I get home I want to call him. I want him to hug me and kiss me on the forehead and tell me everything’s okay.So please, I know I’m not really asking a question, but if anyone has an opinion, can you let me know what you think? Should I fake breaking up with him so people will leave him alone? Or do I break up with him entirely? Is it just me, or is he really just making excuses and treating me wrong? Sorry I wrote so much…
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broke up, kissing, move on, my teacher, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): well first of all i read ur situation and i think u need to harden up. i know it is hard but always remeber one thing every tear makes u stronger and stronger. ask ur self is this guy really worth it?if he is willing to listen to other ppl did he even consider ur feelings in the first place?i think u shud play it down. i honestly dont think he is worht it at this moment but den again i dont knw the guy. i think u shud concentrate on ur life becoz ur education is suffereing dont let this take over ur life. u will get through it..everyone does it just a matter of time.for now go out wid ur friends keep urself busy and look ur best. so wen u see him at school give the impression that ur over it ( even if ur not ur learn to get over it )wen everyone sees tat its not bothering u everything will stop and ur boy will come running back to u but u knw wat he aint worth it.u have ur whole life ahead...this is just an experience.. dont let it take over ur world...do and be with the ppl and things tat make u smile..sori if i wasnt much helphope it all works out for u and belive me it will !! i guarantee it that u will get over it becoz the sun will still shine 2moro :)good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): This guy doesnt sound very nice. If he truely loved you, he wouldnt give a shit what other people said about you, and would defend you.
My advise is, get rid of him, you can do so much better No mater what people say. You are still in school, and young so you have lots of time to meet a nice guy. I didnt have my first GF till I was 18, andyea...
So GL ..
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