A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I'm sick of feeling like crap about myself. I have been with my girlfriend for approximately six months. We have been taking things very slow. We haven't slept together, our affection is limited to quick hugs and pretty much closed lipped pecks for kisses at the end of our dates. That's not by my choice ... she tells me that she's very slow to open up. At first, I welcomed this, as it seems like the major relationships I was in started out like wild fire ... I'd go from just meeting a girl to us being certain we were soul mates in only a few weeks, and then after a year or so it would die out just as fast. Here's the problem. I don't feel like she's nearly as excited to be with me as I am about her. She makes little effort to fit me into her schedule. She lives about 45 minutes away from me, and I end up driving to see her on about a 10 - 1 ratio. I'm fine with doing the majority of the driving ... but ... its a little ridiculous how she puts such little effort in. She makes it crystal clear that I'm not a priority to her. Often she'll get off work around 9:00 PM and I'll offer to drive out to see her for a few hours. She will tell me that she's too tired, but then at 10:00 PM I'll get a message from her saying that she went to the local bar with some friends or something like that. Too tired to see me but not too tired to go out with her friends? When I asked her about this, she said that she does that out of "respect for me" since she thinks it would be selfish for me to drive an hour and a half total to see her for only a few hours. When I do drive out to see her, she rarely acts genuinely interested in seeing me. There's almost no affection, she usually doesn't even smile ... its starting to make me feel really bad about myself. When I bring up any of this, she usually blows up on me about it and makes it seem as if I have some sort of problem for being upset over her lack of enthusiasm. She says that she DOES feel excited "on the inside" ... and that "I should know that" and it shows a lack of self confidence that I'm hurt by her outward lack of enthusiasm. Basically, am I just being a paranoid wuss here? Does this seem normal to anyone? Its getting to the point where she really makes me feel like crap about myself. I've thought about ending things, BUT ... right now, I know I'd miss her too much and the pain of being apart wouldn't outway the pain she puts me in. I don't know what my problem is. I feel like I just need to be patient and she'll come around, but ... its been six months and we've taken maybe 2 steps forward from when we met. I would love to hear some thoughts on this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): Sounds like she's either seriously emotionally shut down or taking you for a ride. If you're not financially contributing to her cost of living it's got to be the first. If, on the other hand you're giving her money to "make ends meet", it's probably not.
Either way, this is NOT a quality relationship. After 6 months she should be warmed up... and she should be busting her butt to get to you, and so happy to see you that she's showing it!
The worst part seems to be that "she blows you off". If she's not emotionally committed to your needs you need to cut her loose and find someone who is. If you stay in this relationship it's going to drag this out till it's so painful that you're going to be in real trouble. I made the mistake and actually married my college GF (except that she was very sexual, but not as emotionally invested in me). The marriage lasted 7 years, and the divorce 2. Painful, expensive - but worth every penny.
A
female
reader, sneha_1492  +, writes (7 November 2010):
Aww that's really sweet on your side ! But honestly if she's the type of girl who doesn't play around and stuff, I think she's being honest. There are girls like that. You just need to make her feel more comfortable around you. I don't think she's still herself with you. Try and talk it out to her calmly. Saying how it is from your perspective. Ask her if there's anything you wanna confide in or if she has any problem which she'd like to share. Some girls dont believe in getting intimate, she might be such a kind of a person or she just might be uncomfortable. So in the time that you get to spend with her just make her feel absolutely special !! then if she loves you I'm sure you'll get some new responses. If not try having a heart to heart conversation.
Hope i helped ! :)
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