A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It's been two years now, and my husband and I started out so happy together. The connection was instant. But I moved states away. We kept emailing each other. He kept insisting for us to try things again, to try a real relationship. At the time I was pushing him away, but only out of fear and not being in a relationship before. When I turned 18 he traveled to where I was so that we could be together. My strict parents, as stern as they were, made me feel nervous. But he tried harder. We progressed beautifully. I felt so wanted then. And it seemed so much more intimate, all the way until we got married. I was in my early 20s then. And I felt wanted a little while longer. But I noticed things started to become different once we moved into his parents house. He would look towards a girl's direction, and then he would give into his family's needs and less into mine. Also I noticed that he showed less affection towards me. Lately I've noticed things in the browser history that indicates porn and actual dating sites. After I confronted him about the porn, I saw subscriptions to the dating sites. Match.com, jazzedating, xxxmatch, etc. When I eventually brought this up, he was upset because I was uncertain about it. He told me to trust him more. I saw other things in the main search bar like 'my wife is mean' or 'how to find online dating sites' or 'married but lonely'. I will admit that we have one issue. I have had vaginal pains since forever, and a lot of the time when we try to make love I feel the pain and burning. Sometimes it became so uncomfortable that we had to wait. And that seems to be one big issue between us. We have been able to accomplish making love a little better within the past week however. He still says he loves me. But there's still distance and everything. I love my husband. I love our baby (3 months old). He says he loves me every day. But I have felt so depressed. I feel like he's having some affair or trying to find someone. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): You need to see a doctor for your problem as this has a direct impact on you relationship...Dont ignore this in anyway sex in important in the lifetime of your marriage , yes I do mean for as long as you are married you should try to have a healthy sex life.....Also have an honest talk(not confrontation) with your husband...Sexual fulfilment is a very imortant need for a man and should never be taken for granted(I understand that there is a problem, find solutions ASAP)..also another important need for a man is companionship, an attractive spouse(look after yourself and dont let yourself go), domestic support and admiration( eg encourage and praise his achievements as well as help support his dreams and aspirations)...also in fufilling his needs dont forget your needs: Affection, conversation, honesty and openess, financial and family commitment..help each other fufill these basic needs at least by honest communication without getting defensive...It seems he is feeling lonely...I know you have a baby at the moment , do not neglect your husband because of the child you should both help each other out looking after the baby and try to make time for yourselves however difficult it may be...Let him know how you feel(once again dont accuse or guilt trip him)...I hope he opens up to you and you work things out...Plus try not to get overly emotional when you talk to him(this may be hard for I sense your distress)......All the best
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