A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, this happened at the weekend and I just want your thoughts. My bf and I went to his works do at the weekend and there were five women there that he works with. One of the lady managers had gotten quite drunk and every time she talked with my bf, her hands gripped his thighs. I could see he was uncomfortable, and he moved around to face me so that her hands couldn't reach across to him. Normally, I can be quite a jealous person but he did look so uncomfortable it was kind of making me laugh. However, he is very good looking and after 3 years together, I am enjoying this aspect as I feel much more secure with him However, he then dropped something and as he bent backwards whilst leaning from the chair to pick it up, I saw all the other girls eyes sweep down to his crotch area and then look away quite quickly, probably hoping I hadn't noticed. They had somehow managed to take a picture of his crotch area too. Now, I had had a drink too but obviously not as much as they did. The following day my bf remarked how uncomfortable he felt and that had it been the other way around (him doing it to her with the hand on the thigh ), then there would have been a case of sexual harrassment. Whilst part of me is revelling in the fact that these women find my bf so attractive, I'm equally concerned that he has to work with them and they all showed that they are clearly interested in him. Should I open this topic up with my bf or just leave it.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 May 2009):
 Like Emily said, there isn't much you can do. Other then SUPPORT your man. Listen to him and don't judge.
He obviously isn't frivolous and the fact that he was so quite embarrassed is a good thing.
It takes two WILLING participants to cheat, your BF isn't one, so I really don't see you have anything to worry about.
And yes it sucks that a woman can yell sexual harassment and BAM action is taken, but when it's a Guy it is very different.
Tell him to avoid being alone with any of these women, specially if alcohol is involved. BUT only if HE brings up the subject.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 May 2009):
Just leave it.
Yes your boyfriend is gorgeous. But you could be going out with Brad Pitt and the only think that should matter is trust.
He doesn't want them. He wants you.
If you bring it up then what is he supposed to do? Quit his job? Send a group email round asking them to stop lusting? Wear a mask to work?
All it will do is stress him. Especially if you have a history of needing lots and lots and lots and lots of extra reassurance.
He's probably loving the fact that you finally trust him now and have stopped being needy in that department.
Accept that other women are going to find him attractive, and that it doesn't mean anything to him and shouldn't mean anything to you.
They might also think your shoes were great from that night... it doesn't mean they are getting together to plan how to steal them. They are just enjoying the fact they are pretty.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (26 May 2009):
 Just ask him how work is on occasions and if he mentions that these girls are being a bit forward or if they behave in the same way around you again, you could suggest that he could make an official complaint.
Unfortunately a man making a sexual harrisment complaint is rarely taken seriously, because obviously all men like the attention of overweight female employees! Another sign that we don't have equal opportunities employers, because if you are a man you are meant to be able to deal with this kind of thing.
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