A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There is this guy. He has been my best guy friend for around 6 years. I could talk to him about anything and ask him relationship advice. After about 3 years of knowing each other, we started to develop some emotional connection. We would spend hours IMing each other while we were in high school and first year of college. We didn't get to hang out often because he lives an hour away. He would drive out an hour to just visit me at work, we'd also go to amusement parks together and spend the whole time holding hands. It's just the kind of friendship/connection we had. When he would vent to me about his ex's, he'd also say I give him the best advice and that he wants to marry me when we're older because I'm the perfect girl. We'd tell each other we love each other and call one another sweet names. He is just the best friend a girl could ask for. Him and I both were in a long term relationship and recently both became single. He came to pick me up and I ended up spending a couple of days at his house and well we made a connection. I didn't even think twice about it, it felt so right. I had no regrets. But now, its been a couple of weeks and I feel like things are different between us.He doesn't text me as much or tell me things. I asked him to hang out and he said he couldn't. I could just be over thinking it. I always thought sex meant nothing to guys I had no idea that it was potentially going to ruin our friendship. I don't feel awkward about it, I don't regret it but I'm afraid I've lost my friend. It just feels like there's something there but I don't want to ask him because I don't want to sound like I'm attached so I just live everyday not bringing it up. I will always care for him, but I am so afraid that we will grow apart. I'm not sure if he's developed some new feelings for me and just afraid to tell me. I'm not sure what to say to him, idk if I should try talking to him or just go on everyday pretending nothing happened and let him drift away from me. My question is, should I attempt to talk to him about what happened and feelings, or should I just go on everyday pretending nothing is wrong until he brings it up? I would love to see him again and I'm afraid I won't get to anymore. How do I talk to him without sounding like I am desperate or annoying or any of that stuff?Thank you for those who take the time to read and respond. Greatly appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to keep it casual. That's why I asked him to go to the amusement park because that's where we often like to hang out with each other. I have been trying to have normal conversations with him but it's hard because things seem different. I'm just used to him asking me to come over all the time or to hang out it call me cute pet names. He hasn't done any of that since we hooked up. I don't want to ask him to come over and then get rejected. It'll be even harder to speak to him then :(
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 An amusement park is not the best place to have a talk. You should invite him somewhere where you will have an opportunity to really talk about things, so you can tell him how you feel.
I believe things have changed. Even if things haven't changed for him they definitely have changed for you. You feel more for him, and of course he feels that way for you too. You don't just have sex with friends who you see as just friends. There's sexual chemistry between you, which means you are attracted to each other as more than friends. He felt it too.
Invite him to something just the two of you. Invite him over to your place to have dinner or coffee for example. Don't invite him out in public, you want to be able to talk in privacy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I would love to meet up with him. I already tried to get us to meet up recently by inviting him to an amusement park but he said be couldn't go both times that I asked. Not hearing from him really gets to me. I guess I do have stronger feelings than I thought. When I tried calling him 2 weeks ago he was just laughing and saying that I'm a dork for thinking things have changed but I still feel a cloud of awkwardness. I wish I knew if he liked me for sure. I want to just call him up and say "hey let's hang out" but idk he's been upset lately and hasn't came to me for advice which is another issue. I guess I want more out of it but if i have a relationship with him then I at least want my best friend back and to know that he can talk to me. I'm just really confused and want to talk to him but dont want to come off as clingy.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (16 August 2012):
Yes, you might feel dumb for saying you like him first. So what? You're an adult, and the worst that can happen is that you will feel silly about it afterwards. But at least you were direct and honest and took the plunge, instead of chicken out. There's nothing to be embarrassed about if you take the first step. If you like him more than a friend, and he rejects you, in what way is that worse than this: him avoiding you?
I think in this matter, you have more to win than you have to lose. And my bet is that he does care about you, and is now really afraid that he's ruined his friendship with you. But if he's been saying all those nice things to you before about you being the perfect girl, and if the chemistry was there, then it probably is there too. Not just something you imagined.
The reason why a man distances himself from someone he cares about is that he is afraid. He is afraid to have his feelings hurt, or maybe he is afraid he will hurt your feelings. Either way, he doesn't do it to be mean.
I suggest you call him instead of text so that you can hear his voice and get a direct answer to your question on where and when you can meet him. Don't say "we need to talk". But instead you could say "I want to meet you". "We need to talk" sounds too much like a woman wanting to either end a relationship or give him a shouting. Which is why I recommend you avoid that line.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk but I don't understand why I'd he felt a connection just as much as I did why he's being distant. It's hard for me to know exactly what he's feeling when I don't see him often. I want to tell him that I care for him but what if the feeling isn't mutual. Then I'll feel dumb for saying. Like I mentioned normally when I have sexual encounters with guys I run it over in my head a million times if I should or shouldn't. But with him it didn't even cross my mind. Plus when he dropped me off he asked for a hug and if he'll see me again but yet now he seems different. I just want to know what I could say to him to at least want to meet me in person so that we could have this conversation. I just miss him
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (15 August 2012):
You should talk to him. The sooner this happens, the better. Your discusion needs to happen in person, maybe over dinner or coffee (but neither of you should be consuming alcohol during this conversation.) The environment should be intimate, but if you are concerned about everything leading to sex or further intimacy without a resolution, you need to have this conversation away from home and out at a small restaurant or cafe.
Start off by bringing up the good times you have had together in the past. Reminisce about your friendship and how you have both been there for one another through both good and bad times. Once you have talked about this, lead the conversation to how he said that you were the girl for him and how he mentioned he could see him marrying you one day. Ask him if he could possibly still see himself having a relationship with you. express to him that you will always care about him as a friend regardless of whether he would consider you something more than a friend, but also tell him that you cannot put your life on hold and wait for more to happen if he is uncertain.
Please do not have any further intimate encounters with him if he is not interested in you as anything more than a friend. It will end up complicating any friendship that you could have.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 August 2012):
Sex means exactly the same to guys as it does to girls. Some don't care, but most do care, and most have a emotional connection to sex. You've known this man for years, that makes me think he's a good guy who's not emotionally handicapped. Which means: he most likely did care, and perhaps even more than you did yourself. You're the one who didn't add value to it, after all. You thought you could carry on as normal. But maybe he's in love with you? Maybe he knows you only want to be friends, and that's why he wants to back off a bit, to let his emotions cool down.
If there was chemistry, then you should know it goes both ways. He felt the connection as much as you did, and if he already had growing feelings for you then imagine how this would have made him feel.
Think about whether you only want him as a friend or not. If you only want him as a friend then let things cool down, lay low, and decrease the contact for a while. Sex does change friendships, so don't rush it when trying to be friends again as before. Take it slow.
If you want to find out what he truly feels about you, and if you have deeper feelings for him other than a friend, I suggest you ask him out on a date. But whatever you do, don't pretend to be okay if you're not, don't pretend anything in fact. Stay real. Be honest. Your friendship was made on a lie, and pretending = faking it = lying. So don't pretend things, it'll just make it awkward and he'll see right through you.
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