A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi people, i met a guy online a year ago, and we met up the other week finally for the weekend.Because we knew eachother well enough, we slept together (safely), then he left as hes from a diff city. Things havnt been the same since. I think i might of been used. and i feel so stupid for it. Reason why i feel like this is because , i asked him to be mine, and he turned me down, said he liked things as they were between us, just seeing eachother every now and then. I asked if he thought i was his shag buddy or something, and he said no, definatly not. so i asked what i was...he said i was a gorgous and sexy friend. That word..friend rang alarm bells. Because where im from, you dont do the dirty with your friends, i have so many guy friends and if i slept with them all, im sure thered be a few names people would call me, but i wouldnt do that with my friends, and he knows this about me, so how could he suggest im just his friend after what we did? i didnt talk to him for a day after this, (he must of thought this odd as we usually speak every day), then after id had time to calm down, i thought clearly, and then he texts casually, and i didnt ignore it, i replied. but i was still so upset at thought of what had already been said, so despite his friendliness i blocked him online. Which i know will probably upset him, as im not giving him a chance to defend himself. but i havnt actually told him why im so upset, the way i put it, i dont feel stupid for the reasons behind me being so mad, but i think he'l probably think im being childish, but i know im not. guys if a girl u met and this happned then she told u she couldnt be your friend, its all or nothing, if u thought anything of her, how would you react? im just so confused over this, and feel like im wasting my time.
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female
reader, KANDIWRPR  +, writes (1 December 2009):
 honestly he just used you and then when you asked him if u were just a sexy buddy of course he's gonna keep saying no
because he wants a girl to just call up when he wants some. he probably loves the idea that he has a "buddy".
you shouldnt talk to him anymore
no matter what he will just keep telling you that
you are a friend
but he will keep using you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): you feel like your wasting your time because you are!.. He said he wants no more than friends..aka--shag buddy, friends with bennifits.. what ever you want to call it. you met what you thought was a friend online? who we are online and who we are in person are two different things entirely.
I am not trying to upset you but did you actually think he would continue chasing you after basiclly meeting for the first time (in life) and having sex in the same weekend that this was going to constitute basis for a real relationship? Im not saying all people are like this, but for the majority they are.
you don't know him... you know the him online.. the always kind, always being there and saying the right thing etc.
when you met his plans were "getting laid".. your idea was "falling in love"...
your not confused, your hurt and you feel used. You know you are doing the right thing, follow your instincts and be strong. Take back your dignity, stand up and brush your self off and realise the lessons you have learned in this.
your other option is to continue to be his shag friend. If thats the case let him back in, here his lame excuses and listen to him try and sweet talk you.. so he can visit again packed with pain and agony.
also, its never good to suppress how you feel.. If your pissed off then girl let it out!... don't hold it back. you do this because
1. it helps you identify emotionally how you are feeling.
2. It helps you let go of the pain you feel.
before i discoverd this i went through a lot of dishes.. now i know to "get angry and get over it with the right person" and in a healthy way.
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