A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:There are at least two girls at school who fancy me. Possibly a third. One of them I'm really good friends with but she hasn't mentioned it yet, but people think she does fancy me. One of them likes me and I like her back but I'm friends with her, and I don't want to ask her out because things will end up so awkward. The final one has had a crush on me for a long time.We used to be really good friends but when she confessed she fancied me things went down hill. I used her to get rid of my ex because I new she wouldn't say no. I said she could kiss me but she refused. I had feelings for her then and I think I still do somewhere. I eventually kissed her and she ran off. This was after my girlfriend had found out about what I was doing (because she told her) and broke up with me. However I then used her best friend to get rid of her. This was ages ago. We recently were placed next to Each other in history and maths, and we haven't talked about it, but she has made some references and so has her friend and last week, one of my friends made a jokey comment about who would fancy me and her best friend pointed at her. She held my stare for a while then looked away. I had gone bright red and walked away. I'm confused. Is the reason I can't ask out this other girl because I'm worried about hurting her further? How do I stop feeling guilty? Do I have feelings for her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): "Is the reason I can't ask out this other girl because I'm worried about hurting her further?"
Yes most likely. I mean you did use her and screw her over once before OP, you'll probably end up doing that again because you obviously have such little respect for her in that sense. OP if you had real feelings for her there is no way in hell you would have done that to her, so the answer to that question is no. I think the guilt is messing with your head a bit and you think you might like her but most likely it's the feeling of wanting to atone for your guilt that makes you think you want her.
The guilt will go OP if you leave her alone and choose one of the girls you really like and haven't actually screwed over. Choose the one you like the most and don't let your friendship or awkwardness get in the way because they don't matter in the way you think they do. It wouldn't be awkward if you started seeing each other and even if she says no it's worth a shot. If the friendship is ruined by dating it's going to be ruined by not dating too if she likes you a lot and you end up with someone else, so just take the risk and go for it.
Stay away from the girl you screwed over OP and let her get on with her life, the guilt will fade, you made a mistake it was a weasel, sly move but as long you learn to man up next time and actually end a relationship in mature way then it's all good.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 October 2012):
 There are different kinds of feelings: feelings of attraction, feeling of good rapport, feelings of ego being stroked. For your example, I would say the girl you used stroked your ego but you don't really respect and admire her. I know at your age you ask a girl out based on all kinds of reasons but if you have that nigging doubt in you maybe it's not a good idea. If you worry about hurting her, that's because you know you won't stick around for long or do something you regret later, like you did with your last relationship. When you grow up you will realize dating is not a game of who gets who. You will consider others' feelings. The other girl likes you yet she can't trust you. That's also a reason why you don't feel like asking her out.
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