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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: What would you do?My husband has the opportunity to make an extra 35 grand. However, to do this we'd need to move across the country and away from my extended family.Our money situation is good at the moment. He makes 70 grand. But we still owe a ton in student loans plus we are planning on having a baby soon. This extra money would also allow us to travel.I'm very close with my family and I love them. But I'm very conflicted when it comes to them. MY grandparents are old and I know they don't have many more years left to live. I'd like to spend time with them while I can. However, while I love them I do not think they are very good people. I have an extreme dislike for them due to their treatment of me when I was young. They favored my cousin and showered her with gifts and even had a room in their house for her. While they refused to watch me when my mother went on business trips. (I stayed with friends). So while I feel obligated to continue a relationship and they aren't as bad as they were when I was young. But at the same time they are continuing their behavior into the next generation with my cousin's children. One of them is favored while the others are treated like dirt.I love my mother but she is horrible to my husband. She treats him like crap. Our relationship has deteriorated over the years. She treats me great one minute and then attacks me verbally the next. I love her but don't really want to be around her by myself.The biggest reason I want to stay is because of my cousin's children. (I had 2 cousin's: The favored one and the other) The other cousin has 4 children (All by different women). He died recently. I'm the only one in my family that has contact with all 4 children. I often get them together for sibling sleepovers. If I leave they won't be seeing each other at all. I love those kids and don't want to let them down. I know how important it is for them to form sibling relationships. These kids have gone through alot.What would you chose?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (18 January 2015):
 Yes, you should move! The world is a lot smaller than it was when I was growing up moving across country for my father's job. But I wouldn't trade it for the world! Going on an adventure, meeting new people, getting itchy feet, it's awesome.
Your husband's $35k per year is a starter -- it's a building block for his career and your family's financial success. It's marketability, an upward trajectory, and he can stay with you and the family as opposed to having to travel to be away from you.
Having more money also means visits. Instead of being around with all of this negative politics, the distance and absence can make everyone's heart fonder.
You need to go. Do not be scared. The impact of resentment on your husband if you pressure him to give up the responsibility because of a family with all of the infighting and toxicity will breed resentment that's far worse on your immediate household.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): Well it is the responsibility of these children's mother's to make sure all the siblings spend time with each other. If you move you can still do stuff from abroad that will engage them as a unit. Send them gifts like tickets to a baseball game where they can all get together. You can skype with them. Not only that but plane tickets across the country are not too expensive. All of my family lives on the East coast and I live on the West coast and I am able to visit them several times a year and always get pretty good fares.
I think it would be a great opportunity for you and your husband and I think you should go.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 January 2015):
 My answer is short and sweet. Move! Your husband and your future kids will be the most important in your life, not your extended family that you don't get along with.
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