A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Since my original question regarding my narcissist, we have gotten back together and just recently I discarded him because I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. All of the motional turmoil hit me all at once and I vocalized myself to my narcissist in a way that I never have before. I am trying to go cold turkey, however, I still have my moments where I miss him very much (I know its due to the trauma bonding). I have also started seeing a counselor. Question is...How can I remain successful in my decision to go no contact even though I still have strong feeling for him? I have attempted no contact many times before, however, I always gave in. I know he's expecting me to do the same thing this time. When he realizes that he's truly losing me I suspect that he will ramp up his efforts and I'm afraid that I might possibly swayed by his efforts. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 July 2016):
 Everything Ruby said,
Take notes, follow you. It's a cop out to say you can't help yourself because of "trauma bonding". (sorry)
You want this guy out of your life and out of your head, follow those 11 steps Ruby mentioned. No skipping, no waffling.
Do or do not, there is no trying.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (9 July 2016):
 Delete and block him on everything and change your number with a very clear "please do not tell _____ ______; I do not want him knowing anything more about me" message to those you give it to, like RubyBirtle suggested.Take up a new hobby. Meditate. Keep going to counselling. When you feel weakened to it, stick Post-It notes up reminding you to not contact him. Breathe. Revitalise your life. Move on :)
...............................
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (9 July 2016):
1) Delete and block his phone numbers. Delete all his texts. Go through your phone carefully and make sure his number is gone from all your call logs etc. This is to make it harder for you to text and call him
2) Better still, change your phone number and make sure the friends/people you give it to won't share it with your ex. This is to stop him texting you anonymously from a borrowed phone. Keep your new number private and off social media profiles
3) Block his email address(es) from all your email accounts. If you don't know how to do this - find out.
4) Better still, get a new email address
5) Block him from all social media accounts and keep your profiles private.
6) Better still, take a "facebook holiday" and stay off social media for 6 months - get some good friends to fill you in with important events that you might miss otherwise.
7) If you start to get the urge to contact him - remind yourself why you're going no contact. Remind yourself of the consequences and then busy yourself with something else. Go and do the washing up or put the laundry on or take a bath. Call a friend or walk the dog.
8) Make changes in your life.... get a haircut, revamp your wardrobe, redecorate you home even if it's just rearranging the furniture or hanging new pictures, take (or plan) a holiday, host a dinner party.....vary your routine a little.
9)Keep busy with family and friends. Find a new hobby that you enjoy (or rekindle an old one). Try to broaden your social circle
10) Practice yoga and/or Mindfulness - the relaxation techniques they teach you can be very helpful with dealing with anxiety and impulsive thoughts/actions.
11) Keep up with the counselling
...............................
|
