A
male
age
30-35,
*91
writes:Hi Guys,On new years eve, I was at a friends party and ended up sitting next to a girl that I know of, but hadn't spoken to before, I'd always thought that she was a good looking girl but haven't had a chance/need to speak to her before.But we ended up talking for about an hour, just about random stuff, joking around and we were both having a good time.I never see her in day to day stuff and the only chance I have to speak to her is over facebook and she doesn't usually go on the chat section a lot.Now I'm not super confident with girls, but I finally decided to man up and put a message together and sent it across to her (I asked a few people about it first, I didn't want to sound desperate), basically telling her that I think she is a great girl and I'd like to get to know her better. From the times I have spoken to her, we share a similar sense of humour and always have a good laugh and joke and stuff.I basically told her that I like her, but I didn't want her to take this the wrong way and see me as a bit of a weirdo as it was completley random, we've literally spoke to each other, 5 times tops. I know a lot of her friends and they all tell me good things about her. I left my mobile number at the bottom and told her to text me if she wanted to.The thing is, she didn't reply to the message, or text me...now fair enough if she's not interested, the least she could of done was tell me that, I don't mind being rejected if it's up front and I'm not chasing a lost cause. I also mentioned I hope it didn't get in the way of us being friends if she didn't want to become involved.One of her best friends said she will talk to her about it and let me know how she feels.I just want to make sure I don't put her under any pressure, I don't want to force her to like me or anything, I just thought we really hit it off, but from the lack of response, maybe I mis interpreted.Does anybody out there think they could provide an insight here? Has anybody been in the same situation? How should I play this now? She didn't reply, do I wait until I hear news from her friend or just take it as she isn't interested and move on?Girls, if this happened to you, how would you respond? Would you respond? I didn't want this to come across as tacky.
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reader, N91 +, writes (15 February 2011):
N91 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the advice guys, I just want to add, that there isn't really a way possible for me to see her in day to day life, I work, she is at college (I'm 19, she is 17-18) and I don't live near to her - This is why I had to take this option, I told her that this wasn't my ideal way of contacting her.I also didn't try to be forceful, I told her that I think she is a nice girl and a good laugh and I left my number, I said if she wants to get to know each other better then maybe drop me a text - I also said that if she isn't interested, then I hope it doesn't get in the way of just being friends.I was told by a couple of friends that I wouldn't get anywhere with this girl, I pretty much ignored them as she seems like a perfect girl for me, her personality is exactly how I would imagine my dream girl so I took a chance on it, hopefully something good does come from it, only time will tell.Doublejack, I really appreciated your comment too: "Also, make sure you hold your head high - if this doesn't turn into anything, at the very least you can say you went down swinging. It is far better to have sent that message and found out if she was or wasn't interested than to have always wondered." - That's exactly how I saw it, I absolutely suck when it comes to talking to girls and this is really out of character for me and I was quite proud of myself for even building up the courage to do this - I appreciate that comment a lot.
A
male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (15 February 2011):
Well, you've expressed interest and made an attempt to contact her. That's really all you can do. The ball is clearly in her court, so if the interest is mutual then it is her turn to make the next move. If you make further attempts then you definitely will look desperate.
My advice is to wait it out and consider her a back-burner option. Maybe you'll get news from her friend, or maybe you won't hear anything at all. There is also a possibility that she is interested but hasn't contacted you for one reason or another, but might in the future. Girls will play hard to get, but if that's the case then she will still be the one to contact you when she's ready. Girls really never want to be the "bad guy" and say that they aren't interested, so if they're unresponsive that pretty much means they aren't.
I'd pursue other options while this plays out. Also, make sure you hold your head high - if this doesn't turn into anything, at the very least you can say you went down swinging. It is far better to have sent that message and found out if she was or wasn't interested than to have always wondered.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011):
There is always the fact that she could have not gotten the message via facebook but I doubt that this is what it was.
If a guy would have sent me a message through facebook I would have thought it random but messaged him back. The fact that you went out of your way to contact her makes it seem that you are looking to date her and she might be worried. I'd say get your friend to make sure she messages you back and when she does let her know that you thought she was really chill and just wanted to hang out sometime. Then if you guys hang out more start the game. But if she doesn't message you back don't try anything else. She will either be scared of you or make fun of you.
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