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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm a 21 years old guy. I met a girl about 2 and a half years ago and we fell deeply in love. We used to do everything for each other and we got really serious. I even told my mum and my family about her after about 2 years down the line. She was quite scared to tell her family as she felt as soon as she told them, they would ask her to get married (which both of us were not ready yet).In December 2005, my family came here to stay with me. So yes, since i started to going out with her until December 2005, my close family were not with me and i stayed with my uncle and antie. Anyway since december 2005, i started to give less attention to her and she noticed it and warned to break up in January 2006. However i convinced her that i will give her more time. But i noticed that my feelings for her were confused, but i didnt want to give up on her, so i kept fighting my feelings.However on Friday night, she admitted to me that her feelings for me are disappeaing and she said its over. It was really really hard for me to accept it. She done this over Msn chatting. I begged her to give me one last chance, but she was having none of it. I spoke to her on the phone Saturday afternoon and tried to convince her, but again none of it!Since then, she has been wanting to keep in touch with me over msn. She said on Sunday on msn that she was sorry for hurting me and she didnt wanted to be treated as 2nd best. But again she was not willing to come back to me.On Monday, she chatted to me nicely until i brought up the subject again and wanted to convince her, but again she had her excuses, which were she can't go through it again and she doesn't have any feelings for me, BUT she said she CARES for me and i mean a lot to her!I'm basically confused, i don't know what she want...i'm pretty sure she doesn't know what she wants!Ive been told to ignore her for a while and let her feel how much do i really mean to her.I've got a feeling that she is in the time of the month coz her sis told me she was having sore stomach 2 days ago.I love her..so much that it hurts...i really want her back...i've got exams in a week (can't focus)...family and friends have told me to forget about her...I CAN'T...PLEASE HELP...i want a neutral advice.Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advices so far...i found out more about what she is feeling. She feels that since my family in August, i have been ignoring her. Then she says that i've been only calling her for like 2 secs, which is not right, as i've got bills to prove it.She still says she cares for me, but then she says it was nice knowing me!?!?If she really wanted me out of her life...she would firstly blocked me from her msn...but she hasn't...so that means she wants to stay in touch with me.I have changed, i know that! I want her more than ever before as i know what value she has in my life. At the moment i've been advised to ignore her for about a week and see how she reacts. I feel i have done everything...as i've explained to her that for any decent guy - FAMILY COMES FIRST! My family were away for 5 years and when they came here i wanted to give them as much as time...i really thought she could understand that...but she didn't and i felt she wanted me all to herself!This is her first time she has gone out with somebody so i feel it's a bit of jealousy and lack of self-esteem!She has said all lot of bad things to me...but I STILL WANT HER BACK...I want to be around her again...Please pray for me!
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (27 April 2006):
 While I agree that you were author of your own demise here, she did warn you and give you a chance to change after all, everybody deserves a second chance. As has been said you have to give this time, you have to prove to her you have really changed. Giving her space is part of that.
Your exams should give you something to focus on outside this situation. If you can do somethings to reassure her how you feel but dont apply pressure. She will have to decide what she wants in the space she has. In the meantime I think you need to tackle what lead you to pay her less attention in the first place and fix that. Hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Anya +, writes (27 April 2006):
Try and keep a little distance between yourselves at the moment. She is going through something, whether it is the time of month etc. Still of course be friendly, but don't put pressure on her, let her still know gently how you feel about her, but don't ask about anything. I'm sure she will come round soon, you deserve to be told the truth. Give it a little more time, if nothing then she may be hiding something. When was the last time you saw her? Sit down for a chat, she owes you that at least! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): so you ignored her and she threatened to leave and you didnt change your attitude and she left and you're surprised? If you couldnt change then whats making you so different now? and can she really believe that this change will be permanent? If you're not serious about treating her as she deserves to be treated on a permanent basis then leave her alone to move on and move on yourself and focus on your exams. If you're very serious and know 100% that you wont get lazy and take her for granted again (I dont think you know how hurtful it is to be treated as you treated her) then keep trying, but you have to be certain or you're just being cruel, it kinda sounds like you're keeping her as a backup?????
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