A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello.I met my girlfriend online on a game program a few months ago. About 2 months after meeting online and talking everyday, all day (we still do it) we met in person (I was supposed to see her, something came up and she came to see me!) none of us have cars so we use greyhound. We've seen each other 5 times, she's even spent the night (no sex)I'm not stupid, I did research on her (facebook, myspace etc..) and ALOT of what she says checks out (we are both 19 years old). The reason why we got attracted to each other is because we are really "mature" for our age. She used to party ALOT but years ago came to the realization that stuff is for losers and it really pleases me she was able to use her brain to see that. She's also done nothing incriminating during a party. We've both never been to prom or semi's really, as we think its for losers as well.The issue we have is, she does live 165km away BUT has always planned to move to the city I am located in for its hair school (There are several world known hair schools in my city, opposed to local ones elsewhere) and she's always wanted it. She tells me I'm her first "real" boyfriend as the rest where for comfort which is why she never did anything with them, and WAY before we dated she told me she has always had a hard time opening up to guys.On Facebook its she is in a relationship with me and on msn its a heart with my name on it, so she isn't hiding me. My problem is, she lies ALOT about "little" things. She knows I know the truth (lets not get into how) and still lies and I basically don't give up saying I know she is wrong and who is she to say she really wants a relationship if she always lies?. I did give her an ultimatum before because it didn't seem like she was serious and she had the choice to walk away but said she really liked me and she stayed. She says she knows she is wrong, nothing I am saying is wrong and even though we argue alot about what she does she really wants to be with me. She claims she's never met anyone like me, we're very similar, I'm smart, attractive etc.... ; and on our last argument she swears she's going to try and improve because she knows I'm going to walk away if she cant be straight with me.For her to come to the City there is some slight bad news, alot of schools are not accepting enrolment until June 2011 and then its a waiting list until there is a spot open to complete the course. We both want to be with each other in person not to keep the relationship together but because we cant stand being apart.I want to help her and it is possible for here, either in my house or my aunts house or if I have to I'll find a place to rent. I'm just concerned, I'll do all this and she wont change, she'll keep lying about small stuff. She also isn't a very touchy person, she doesn't let me touch her "stuff".My Observations : I know we are both young but I've really been this way since I was 14, her since 17. I believe she WANTS to improve but unless she makes a conscience effort it wont happen. Her and I are not the type to date around (we think its gross actually) so its not as simple as "finding someone new". I've been single 4 years, her 2 years before meeting each other.Questions are : 1) At which point that no/little improvement is made do I leave? Our arguments a few days ago were not the first, just the most intense.2) With the touchy stuff, its nothing invasive like intercourse but there HAS to be a line drawn where we are best friends or boyfriend/girlfriend. She knows this and says she's try to improve. When is this point? I am not comfortable helping her in my city and doing all this time and money for a best friend
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tilly818  +, writes (20 August 2009):
 Hunny you can never ever change sum1 no matter how much u want them to change. Even if they want to change they wont be able to change she has prob beingtellin peopel little white lies since she could talk..
I ave a question for you tho. Have you ever stopped and wondered why she tells little lies..???
i think the it cold be one/all of the following factors:
1,maybe she jst doesn't feel confident to be herself around you,
2,maybe she wants to seem "coolier" therefore being some1 who she isn't, i'm not saying she aint cool she jst may not she herself as "cool)
3,Maybe she wants to impress you or try to change herself into the person who she thinks you want her to be....
i think you need to ask her why she lies... if there is no particular reason, u are wasting ur time with this girl coz you will never be able to trust what she tells you. the most important thing in a relationship is trust if you dont ave that you dont have a proper relationship..
therefore get out of this before you get ur feelings hurt...
SECOND QUESTION...
You CANNOT have a relationship without it being physical.. i no that is a horrible thing to say is bt a relationship is based on physical and emotional love or feelings. I think again you need to ask her if she is ready or not to have a proper relationship that is yes physical. tho dont ask her like that is will sound like u are trying to use her...
If she wants to get to the big city she will make things happen herself. Dont go all out for a girl that wont do the same with you
A
female
reader, Tilly818 +, writes (20 August 2009):
Hunny you can never ever change sum1 no matter how much u want them to change. Even if they want to change they wont be able to change she has prob beingtellin peopel little white lies since she could talk..
I ave a question for you tho. Have you ever stopped and wondered why she tells little lies..???
i think the it cold be one/all of the following factors:
1,maybe she jst doesn't feel confident to be herself around you,
2,maybe she wants to seem "coolier" therefore being some1 who she isn't, i'm not saying she aint cool she jst may not she herself as "cool)
3,Maybe she wants to impress you or try to change herself into the person who she thinks you want her to be....
i think you need to ask her why she lies... if there is no particular reason, u are wasting ur time with this girl coz you will never be able to trust what she tells you. the most important thing in a relationship is trust if you dont ave that you dont have a proper relationship..
therefore get out of this before you get ur feelings hurt...
SECOND QUESTION...
You CANNOT have a relationship without it being physical.. i no that is a horrible thing to say is bt a relationship is based on physical and emotional love or feelings. I think again you need to ask her if she is ready or not to have a proper relationship that is yes physical. tho dont ask her like that is will sound like u are trying to use her...
If she wants to get to the big city she will make things happen herself. Dont go all out for a girl that wont do the same with you
...............................
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