A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is a total animal lover she has grown up all her life with many pets. Throughout the years she has added many different types of pets to her family.I’m not as much as an animal lover as she is, but I don’t mind all the different types of pets.My only issue is how her dogs are allowed roam the house and do whatever they please, like run around the house ,lay on the couches, and sleep on the bed. Normally this wouldn’t bother me so much if they were small sized dogs but these are medium and large dogs. I don’t even mind having the dogs inside I just feel they should have some boundaries but she feels that the restrictions takes away from the quality of life of her dogs .Growing up all medium to large dogs I had lived outside during the day and slept inside at night and was trained to sleep in the family room on their doggie beds. I felt my pets were as happy as any one else’s pets running around playing outside and being obedient in side.I know in marriage there must be compromise so all I ask is for her dogs to be a little more house trained so they don’t jump on the couches and at least have the bedroom be a boundary.Am I being out of line?How do you decide on where the compromise should be when there is a difference of opinion on pets before you get married? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): I too have loads of pets that roam all over the house. I am shortly to be married and my fiance absolutely hates it. He hates sitting on fur, if he can find a spare seat that is and them being all over the bed. It has caused so many rows between us. He has three large dogs which are allowed in his house but not upstairs. They are locked in their pens for most of the day while he works. I think this is so unfair. There is no easy way to resolve this as I think of all my pets as equal to me and he definitely thinks of them as 'animals'. I do know a lot of men don't like animals all over the place and in the house, sleeping with you etc but to my mind this is all quite natural as I have grown up this way. I also know even compromising on this one can be very difficult. I think all you can do here is to push the dogs off the bed but I don't think you are going to win this one overall - sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): No i don't think that it's out of line, i think that there should definitely be some limits to where dogs are in the house, maybe start by banning them from the bedroom
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 June 2009):
 Oh, this one is a difference of opinion on the status of the dog in the family. Your girlfriend's default position seems to be that they are equal members of the family, if they are allowed up on the couches and beds. I can understand that, having a very loved dog who is allowed on one couch and on the bed. But he is not allowed on any other chairs or sofas in the house. I agree with you that the dogs who are trained to sleep in their own beds in a separate room are just as happy, but I would question the 'kept outside all day' as being 'kind'. I hate seeing dogs tied up outside, away from their owners and other companionship, and keeping a dog outside all the time can set up some very problematic behavior later.
I would suggest a compromise; that the dogs are allowed the run of the house but that the couches and beds and chairs become off-limits. You may find this a bit challenging as the dogs are used to the full run of the house, and will assume that the banning from the furniture is a demotion. Which it is, but I think they would probably adjust with no ill-effects. Your girlfriend looks upon her dogs as friends and not lower status members of the same pack. You look upon dogs as outsiders to the family, you do not think of yourself as being in a pack. Both of you will need to discuss this more so that you can move to a middle ground compromise. I would suggest contacting a dog trainer--not a guard dog trainer--and asking him or her to come over and conduct an evaluation and an intervention of sorts. You want a trainer who uses positive reinforcement and a more gentle way of teaching dogs our ways.
The bed is yours as much as hers, and you do have a say in who is allowed up on it. If you don't want to share it with a big dog, I don't blame you. They take up a lot of room and can make the bedding smelly! This one is a reasonable adjustment, I feel. She can connect with the dogs on the floor or their beds.
You are going to have to become comfortable with having them underfoot, I think. A true dog person will never be happy if these beloved members of the family are 'banished' to the outdoors all day; the guilt and the resentment toward you will become a problem.
Again, I think consulting a professional--whom you both respect--is the way to go here. That's my feeble advice: ask someone else! Ha!
Good luck and I hope things work out for you.
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