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male
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writes:Last summer, I(38) went out 5-6 times with a lady, Susan(33).However, things between us didn't work out; she was "not ready for anything heavy due to a busy schedule"I kept in contact ,discreetly,but at the same time I kept dating as Susan was negative.Around January 10th, she invites me to her place for Sunday brunch with her friends.We had now become just "friends", and I had stopped expressing any sort of interest to date Sussan, accepting that she is just not into me.At Susan's brunch, I notice an attractive lady, Vivian(30), who happens to be Susan's best friend(and she notices me!).Vivian and I meet, and she tells me she knows everything about me - I don't know if this is good though...Anyway, I invite Vivian and 3 other friends of Susan's to a party I would have on January 31st(and Susan of course).About 11 days before the party(Jan 19), I call Susan and ask her for the numbers to invite her friends.She gives them, no problem.I call Vivian first(she is the one I am attracted to) and she seems glad to hear from me and says she will look forward to coming. Honesty, she seemed glad to hear from me and was even demure on the phone. By the way, she is single.I also invite 2 more of Susan's friends, but one said she would arrange to come with Susan and the other said he would probably be out of town.Come the day of the party, I get a text from Susan at about 8:30 , canceling due to illness.I was afraid this would happen because I could tell speaking to her previously that she was iffy about coming.What surprised me though is that none of her friends, and especially Vivian, came. Even worse, there was no text from them to inform me or anything. No contact whatsoever.Another friend, Maria(who had introduced me to Susan), came with her husband and I told her about this turn of events during the party.She said she was meeting Susan for coffee the day after the party(after church) and would try to see what is going on.However, she did say that Susan doesn't seem jealous or anything and that she doesn't think Susan would have any problem with me asking Vivian out(keep in mind Susan doesn't know I like Vivian - although I am sure she suspects...).At coffee the next morning, Susan doesn't mention the party or any of her friends not coming.Maria asks her why she didn't come and she just says she was ill.But she says nothing about her friend Vivian's absence.All these people are church goers by the way.Maria says I should wait until next Sunday and meet all of them for coffee after church(Viviane will be there too!).Problem is I am not a church goer and I feel it is unnatural to go meet them for coffee after church. Furthermore, I don't think it is a good idea to socialize with Vivian and Susan at the same place(regardless of the fact that Susan is not interested in me).I think I should just call Vivian up, ask her why she didn't come to the party, then just ask her out to coffee or something.If she is accepts, we are ON.If she doesn't, well that's Ok - and I move on.Maria(our common friend) advises against calling Viviane and says I should go to the group coffee so that it appears more natural.Another friend recommends I forget Vivane complately, stating she is not interested or may be thinking of the consequences to her friendship with Susan.He says that it is difficult to date the best friend of a woman you had some sort of relationship with.I am not sure I agree with this , bcasue after all, Susan is the one who didn't want a relationship, not me.Why should she begrudge me a chance with her friend, Vivian?I really look forward to any advice you can offer about how I should proceed, Thanks for reading such a long post!
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reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (2 February 2009):
 by the way you have wrote this it sounds like you are a methodical and patient man! i think you should contact vivian at least then you will know where you stand, life is too short to be uncertain of anything! as adults i think everyone involved is mature enough to handle the situation, good luck.x
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