A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am starting to become uncomfortable with my boyfriend’s increasing voyeuristic interests. After many years of a sexless marriage, I am divorced and in an exclusive relationship with the greatest guy in the world. We are incredibly in love with each other and enjoy trying new, sexual experiences. We like to try new positions, new places and sex toys. I am not uncomfortable with any of this. We also watch porn together as a form of foreplay – just to set a mood. I have no problem with that. However, lately he has mentioned trying activities that I am feeling uncomfortable with. He wants to go to a strip club together. I am not crazy about that because I think it will bother me to know he is sexually stimulated looking at other, probably much younger, woman. He doesn’t see the difference between that and watching porn or looking at Playboy magazine. I watch porn just because of the erotic content – I am not attracted to the actors. The idea of a woman dancing in front of him seductively removing her clothes bothers me. My being there to watch it – horrendous. I told him that I would be more comfortable if the strippers were male and female – he said that is fine. Still, I know I am not interested in seeing a man in a g-string dance in front of me either. I already know he would enjoy watching the women. Am I being overly sensitive? I want to be open to new experiences so that I can at least know whether I like them or not. I just think this is going to make me insecure – about his desire for me – about my own body. I have really gained a lot of self-confidence over the past year. I don’t want to lose that. I tell him that I would rather he go to strip clubs without me. I am not happy about it but I would rather not watch him ogle other women in front of me.He is not pushing me to do anything. Yet I feel guilty for not being at least willing to try something I have not done before. I get that he finds other women attractive. I appreciate a nice looking man as well but I don’t fantasize about other men. I don’t wonder what they look like naked or what they would be like in bed. I think he does. What goes on in his mind is his business, I just don’t want to know.Am I just clueless about the male mind? Is this normal male behavior? Am I being insecure? I know these women are earning a living creating a fantasy for men. I am not worried that he will cheat. It just feels like a form of cheating –what he imagines in his mind. I can’t help but feel after he watches them, he has the let down of being stuck going home with/to me. We woman want to feel that we are “all that” to our mates just as you men want to feel likewise in the bedroom. Am I making too much of this situation?
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female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (30 September 2011):
 I also totally agree with the above posts :) Be true to yourself! Do what makes you happy. If my boyfriend had a desire to go to a strip club? I would be offended and break it off with him... that's just me being me. Best of luck to you :D
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 i think your boyfriend is just trying to see how far he can push the sexual boundaries in your relationship. he is fortunate that he has someone who is adventurous enough to do the things you have been, but now he is just getting greedy. i am sure if you tell him you are not into this idea he will accept it without fuss. if you don't want to do this (and i cannot imagine many women would!) don't be persuaded into it. do things only that you are both happy with, not just him
x
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 I second that (eddie85).
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (27 September 2011):
 No, I don't think you are making a big deal about it. Everyone has their prerogatives about what they find tasteful and interesting, and from the sounds of it, a strip club crosses that line for you.
Let's face it, porn is anonymous. You can watch it and the actors don't know you are watching them. Going to a strip club: well that's the real deal. While the interaction with the "actors" is being acted and they are there to milk dollars out of your wallet, in a sense, however it is real. There is a live human being in front of you reacting to you.
Every sexual relationship has their boundaries and I think your boyfriend will largely get over the fact that you aren't really interested in going to a strip club. I have a sense that he enjoys pushing the boundaries with you and since you've been open to other experiences he felt you'd likely be up for this as well. You are welcome to say "no" and you shouldn't feel guilty for doing so.
Good luck.
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