A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do I get my boyfriend to talk to me about the problems we've been having? My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years. In the past year he has gotten a new job that requires him to travel, he works in one place from any where to months to years. I have been traveling with him in a travel trailer, now I am going back to my moms to go to school for two years. When I get done I would like to get an apartment or small house, and he does not want me to. He wants me to come back and travel with him, but I HATE this life of traveling. After school I would like to settle down and have a HOME. But he plans on doing this job forever, because he thinks he is making good money but he doesn't have anything to show for all his hard work. I asked him if he planned on traveling if we have kids and he said yes, that I could take care of the kids. I told him no, I want him to be there too. Now he won't talk to me, about anything especially the problem we're having.
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female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (10 February 2008):
He is saying he wants you to travel with him and rather than have a home away from him he wants you there. That is guy talk for I love you you are my woman and I want you with me. Sweet but I can see how it is hard for you putting your life on hold. The thing with guys is if you want to talk about problems in the relationship they think you are talking about being disatisfied with THEM and their ability to please you and no doubt will SHUT DOWN and be emotionally DISTANT. Put yourself in his shoes. If he was coming to you and wanting to tell you about all the problems in the relationship would you feel like communicating or would you feel like withdrawing? The thing is from what you are saying he looks at satisfying you by 1 having a good job that pays well ie so he can support you, 2 having you with him so you maintain the relationship, 3 wanting children with you and wanting the family all together with him. To me that is guy talk for he loves you. From your point of view you feel cheated in that you feel dragged along to his work and therefore feel as though he values his work more than you and your feelings. See already the miscommunication beginning. Have you thought of suggesting to him to maybe for you to be with him but also for you to do your schooling either externally or correspondence. He loves you and you need to communicate to him that you love him but that you feel inadequate not being able to pursue your goals but that you want this to work. See how you go.
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