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Getting back together with an ex that is your friend

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 May 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 9 May 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I met this guy at the start of the school year and we liked each other right away. He eventually became my bf and I can honestly say he was head over heels for me, until he broke up with me a few months ago.

I can't say I was shocked when we broke up because he hadn't been texting and calling me as much, but later I found out that less than a week before breaking up, he'd been asking my friends for advice on new places to take me out and stuff.

Well, he broke up with me in person. He said it was his fault that we hadn't been talking lately, also his grades were dying. He apologized a million times, said nothing was my fault, and that I deserve better. Then he was hugging me and he tried to hold my hand too but I kinda pushed it away so he just hugged me a bit longer and then he left, saying he would be happy to be really good friends with me and that I could call or text him if I ever needed anything.

Later I thought about it myself and realized that it might also have been because I wasn't paying enough attention to him when we were going out, so he felt left out.

For the next week or so he avoided me completely. Then gradually we started to say hi in the hallways and stuff, but that was about it. Despite what he said, I didn't call or text him for about a month, until spring break I asked if he had something of mine via text. After school started again we gradually started building a friendship again, which I guess is what we have now.

He hasn't gone out with anyone since we broke up and neither have I, although he now teases me about liking this other guy. But obviously I like him, and I want to get back together. How should I take things from here? I want to show that I do care for him and will pay him more attention, but I don't want to do all the chasing... :(

View related questions: broke up, get back together, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010):

well, trying to get back together with him probably won't work, especially since he's the one who broke up with you. a lot of guys are really nice to girls that they're breaking up with, because they don't want to be responsible for hurting our feelings. they don't realise that it sends mixed messages and makes us more confused. the bottom line is, even if you do manage to get back together with him, if it didn't work out the first time, the second time around probably won't be any better. try finding a guy who deserves you!

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