A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have this problem with my female best friend (I'm a guy) for the past year, everything went so smoothly. We were with a small group of friends. Then one day, my best friend fought with another friend in the group and they decided to stay away from each other. I of course went with my best friend rather than the other one and tried to comfort her, succeeding after a few days. Then we spend the next few months together, just the 2 of us(I'm a college student by the way) together in school everyday. I then felt a connection and decided to ask her if she wanted to enter a romantic relationship. She declined, saying that she hated romance and that it would only put us into an awkward position, but it's ok with her if I liked her. So it stayed that way for a few more weeks, till we met this other friend of mine, who for some private reason left his group and joined ours. He was my friend so I have no problem with that. But then I noticed that we have exactly the same interests but his hobbies were the same as hers but not mine, so in many ways they could relate to each other more than I could with her. It "amplified" in a way were in she started treating the other friend better than she would treat me and sometimes I'd even be pushed away because I couldn't relate to whatever they were talking about. Anyway, that problem grew up to a point wherein I talked to her about it. I asked her why she was treating me that way. She said that that's just the way she treats people she's been close with for a long time. She tends to be more friendly with the new ones so that she wouldn't offend them. I understood what she said and disregarded everything I felt before, but it just worstened even more. She started showing more interest in hanging out with that other guy more than with me. If he wasnt around, she'd look for him, if I wasnt around, she wouldn't look care at all. We talked about it again, and again, we thought we fixed things. Summer break, she never talked to me for the whole vacation. She never talked with the guy either. When classes resumed she started treating me like a bitch would. She sometimes gave me her attention but then totally ignore me after. She would be nice and sweet to thers, but then be bitter to me after. I just don't get it. What good things did all these other people do for her that made them so special to her? And what bad thing did I do to make her treat me like a bitch? I got really offended, I couldn't last any longer after enduring it for 2 months, so now I'm actually caught between 2 choices. 1.) try to fix it again for the bazillionth time 2.) end the abusive friendship once and for all It would be hard for me to get over her if I decide to end it because I still have feelings for her, I'll be seeing her treating others nicely after treating me like a bitch and I would still be seeing her every day in the campus. Sometimes she is even my seat mate, so it is impossible to forget about her. I lost contact with some of my friends because sometimes I'd spend too much time her (before) because she made me happy, but then lost time with my other friends, and now I'm alone with a very small group of friends, which I hardly meet every day. I'm really confused, what should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LuvDrunk  +, writes (3 June 2010):
You gave this girl WAY to much power over you. She sounds like the kind of person who gets bored with old friends. You need to give her that choice. Either treating you like a friend or loosing your friendship. Quit letting her give you excuses to her actions and tell her that you deserve an apology. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT! ESPECIALLY BY A "FRIEND"! Peace Love and Happiness
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