A
male
age
30-35,
*l Dente
writes:A question for strict religious people out there...I am an atheist and I just wondered where in sexual activity someone who doesn't believe in sex before marriage (for religious reasons) would draw the line?Would it be using your hands? Oral? Or going all the way? And where would anal sex fit?I just always wanted to know opinions on this...Thanks, El Denté
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male
reader, PD  +, writes (15 June 2009):
Jesus said in Matthew 5:27, 28 "YOU heard that it was said, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say to YOU that everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This is the strictest view of "sex" before marriage. (I quote "sex" because Jesus doesn't even allow thoughts of it, not to mention any other forms of physical contacts that will produce sexual drives outside marriage.)
A
male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (19 May 2008):
chlez83 is correct. You might as well wait until your a junior in college before you start dating! Kiss and nothing else. You shouldn't provoke each other by touching each other's genitals.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 If you want to follow strictly the religious edict,
no fondling, no groping , no cuddling, no caressing,no
snuggling, no petting, no patting, no stroking, no touching,
no orals and not committing any sinful thoughts like those in your brain.
Think those people can follow this law?
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (19 May 2008):
 I was not somebody who chose to wait until marriage to have sex. However I can answer from the perspective of somebody who held back a lot, and turned down many opportunities.
If you are in a situation where you are doing everything but full sex, your are in effect training yourself, or desensitising yourself, to be happy with the full act.
You are not far away from this, and sex would be an inevitability, if not soon, over the weeks and months. Morally you are almost there; if you are comfortable with sexual contact then you may as well be comforable with full sex. There is not much difference in the end, although you might think there is at the time, when you are holding back.
You can think you are being good morally, holding back, but it is an inevitability that at some point you will go further. It is like you get used to the idea, and think hey-ho.
The fact that you are asking, makes me assume you are not a virgin, and she is. In that case you will want any contact possible because that is what you are used to, so it must be hard in the end.
So if you are strict about this, I would have thought you should avoid sexual contact really. Otherwise perhaps later in the year you will be having sex. It might wait until you have been together 6-9 months or so, but I would imagine sexual contact would lead to sex in the end.
I think you need to clear this up, if she would be happy to have sex after you have been together ages and ages, and only in a very loving relationship - ie if you are engaged or about to be. Or if it is strictly no before marriage.
Some people only have sex with one person, who is the person they will marry, and they wait until they have known eachother near enough to a year.
There is a slight distinction here, that you need to clear up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Hi... I am a conservative Christian and my husband and I waited until our wedding night to have sex. During our engagement, we would go as far as to touch each other with clothing still on, but that's it, and to this day, I have no regrets! The wedding night is so much more special then!!
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (22 December 2007):
I suppose my wife & I meet most folks' definition of "strict religious". We were both 22 when we met, and our experiences with previous boyfriends/girlfriends had been limited to kissing, tongue play, etc. We didn't go any farther than that in the 3 months between meeting and becoming engaged. It was clear that she definitely intended to be a virgin at her wedding; I wasn't quite as committed but agreed that waiting for marriage was a good idea.
In the 9 months of our our engagement we progressed from fondling to the "everything but penetration" point of mutual oral sex and "dry humping". (She had her first-ever orgasm from my oral sex - an event that is probably as significant to me as our first intercourse.)
She now thinks we probably went too far. Truthfully, I believe that having the non-penetrative outlets for relieving the sexual tension and satisfying each other (me especially) helped me keep my promise to respect her virginity until we were married. I see it as a mutual effort: I loved her and respected her wishes, and she extended herself to help me do that.
As our kids grew up we discussed our behavior with them. Only one of three has married so far. Our daughter and her husband refrained from even kissing until they were married. (Despite my encouragement that a little physical affection was not only acceptable but beneficial to their developing relationship.) My oldest son has had a few girlfriends through High School and College, but I don't think his lovemaking got beyond the necking stage. My youngest has just started college and hasn't had a significant girlfriend yet.
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (21 December 2007):
Being a mormon,i know what being strict means.No form of sex is acceptable except from kissing.It's why from a religous point of view,delayed marraige is not good.Marry as soon as possible then explore the world of sex.It's actually encouraged to delay dating so you start at an age closer to when you are ready for marraige.All those things like oral sex done continously will end up into penetrative sex one day,which i assume you are avoiding.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): Doing "everything but penetration" might technically qualify as virginity as far as a lot of definitions are concerned, but by that time you've gotten pretty far away from the spirit of the thing if not the letter. Oral sex is pretty far.
And realistically not many people can decide to do "everything but" and then hold out very well. I find that usually only works when both of the people are VERY, VERY committed, and when they gradually worked their way up to "everything but" over the course of several years.
The truth is that whatever line you set for yourself, you're probably gonna break it by about one or two notches eventually.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): I reckon strict religous would do nothing but kiss!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (20 December 2007):
 Yes i agree with Vickidude, im not a strict religious person either, and i would have said everything can be done except penetration.
All the best
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A
female
reader, leyan  +, writes (20 December 2007):
 Hi,
If it's someone who truely does not believe in sex without marriage (like me), any sexual activity will be not accepted , (I might allow a kiss if I really like the guy).
Hope I helped.
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