A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 17. Several weeks ago he and I had sex for the first time (both of our first times as well) it wasn't planned, it hurt like hell, it didn't last that long, and now I'm pregnant. My dad found out and now he hates me because of it (my mom is deceased). My boyfriend is being a total jerk, he's here for me, but he doesn't like to talk about the fact that I'm pregnant. He'll say let's give it up for adoption we don't have to keep it. I don't wanna go through pregnancy at all, but the idea of an abortion freaks me out. I wish my dad and my boyfriend would be more supportive. How can I tell them how I feel? Who can I ask for help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): First of, you need to know that you are not the only one in this situation. I actually also got pregnant when I was about your age. The condom we were using broke and well that was that. I now use both a condom and am on the pill. I recommend, whatever you choose to do with the baby, to get a second kind of contraception next time you have sex.Also, congrats on telling your dad. I was never able to tell my parents, it really isn't easy and you are very brave for it.Some people will tell you to get an abortion, others will tell you to give the child up for adoption. The fact of the matter is, it's your choice. Not your dad's, not your boyfriends and not anybody else's. But before you do make a choice, make sure to be informed, look and the pros and cons of both sides. Also make sure to look at the appropriate information in your region. Someone talked about pills you can take, they aren't available everywhere.No matter what choice you make, someone will always end up judging you so make sure you take the decision YOU are the most confortable with. It's depends on your own views, morals and beliefs. In my case, I had an abortion. I don't regret it to this day. Maby I could have put up the child for adoption, but who's to say he would have been adopted? Many kids, more then someone might think, never do get adopted. But that's not the point here.From my experience, I will tell you that you really don't feel all that much if you do get an abortion. If I remember properly, all I felt was a light pinching. And lots of sleepyness after! lolIf you can, try to sit down with both your dad and boyfriend. Together or apart, whatever you think will work best. Tell them that whatever you choose, what you really need is their help and support. That you know and understand that your dad is disapointed (you are his dear daughter after all)and that you also understand that your boyfriend is freaking out, but that you need to be using your brains right now and that you need them. Maybe ask a trusted friend for help - that's what got me through the all of it. If worst comes to worst, be prepared to do it yourself - the people at the center will take great care of you.Anyways, hope the respond wasn't to long and that it will help you out. Remember to get info and good luck with whatever you choose. Your strong and brave and I give you congrats and admire you courage. Best of luck :)
A
female
reader, thickness +, writes (12 January 2010):
 I understand up situation. Talk to ur bf n tell him that u oppose abortion n adoption. Dont let him or ur dad scare u into making a decision that can affect the rest of ur life. I know someone who was n the same situation. Her dad wouldnt even speak to her the whole 9 months. As soon as her baby was born, her dad held that baby n started crying joyful tears. Now he's a happy grandpa. I feel like since u recently spilled the beans that ur pregnant, jus give ur dad time. Hopefully he'll come around n b supportive. Good luck girl!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 January 2010):
 I'm sorry this happened. There are a lot of other girls in this same situation though. I would go to a planned parenthood and talk face to face with someone. It's usually free and they take confidentiality VERY seriously (they actually ask you if they can call your house and whether or not to pretend to be calling about something else). They can really help. They will outline your options and talk you through an adoption or abortion process.
You say you don't want to go through pregnancy but are afraid of an abortion. But let me tell you, carrying a baby to term is VERY difficult. I can promise you labor will be a million times worse than an abortion and the social stigma of being pregnant at your age will be very emotionally difficult. I'm fairly certain having to give up a baby for adoption after having it with you for 9 months and giving birth would be a LOT more emotionally difficult than an abortion. I know a lot of women who've had them and don't regret the for even a second. Nowadays an early term pregnancy doesn't require anything invasive. The abortion actually takes place in your home, just by taking two pills. It's unpleasant, but unscary. I don't want to seem like I'm pressuring you into having an abortion, but I just want to point out being pregnant at your age is HARD. This isn't like Juno! It just makes me sad to see people saying "oh just give it up for adoption" like having a baby is a quick and easy thing. I just wanted to point out the other side. Please just make sure you think through all of this.
As for your boyfriend, he's probably just as freaked out as you are. This may just be his way of dealing with it. If he ever "gets out of hand," just remind him it's not only YOU getting pregnant, it's also him making you pregnant. It takes two people. Next time please use a contraceptive. I hope this all works out for you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (12 January 2010):
Phone 1800 999 9999. They help teens in your position. If you want an abortion don't let other people's personal opinions force you to have this child. If you choose to do this then the sooner you act then the better because every day that you wait the pregnancy grows. Right now it is only about 1 inch in size.
If you decide to keep it, make sure you have a plan for support on how to care for the baby. Try to make sure you continue school so later you can support the child. Adoption is also another option where you can help a childless couple have a child to love.
Phoning this helpline will help you through all these confusing options to make a decision. But you need to act quickly. Good luck
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A
female
reader, l1f35ux +, writes (11 January 2010):
 Well your boyfriend is probably not trying to be a jerk. He is most likely just really freaked out, and scared. You are both so young, and a baby is a inconvienance for you both, however i DO NOT believe in abortions. So if you really dont want the child, then give it up for adoption, just know that once you look into that childs eyes, you will be hooked. And as for your father. This probably came as a really big shock to him, he doesnt hate you, no matter what he says. He will come around. And if you didnt want to get pregnant (not trying to be mean) you should have worn protection. But if you ever need anyone to talk to, i am here. Oh, and if you dont feel like you can talk to your boyfriend, a family friend, or a doctor would also be good. But you do need to decide what you are going to do with your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Nells*Mae +, writes (11 January 2010):
 Well my dear you are going through some tough time right now and i am sorry that this had happened to you. No one should have a child until they are absolutely ready... i know abortion is a way to do it but does this little one deserve to be killed for no reason. But if no one is listening to what you have to say, get them alone with you to where they have to listen to you. Like in the car or something then just come out. It may be hard but you will feel much better. Just make sure you tell them how you feel and why you feel that and then just ask them what they feel like and what do they think. And for your dad, he just really hurt because you are the little girl. Just apologize to him when you do tell him how you feel. I hope this some-what helps... hang in there hun. Everything will be ok.
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A
female
reader, heyitscarissaa +, writes (11 January 2010):
 I'm really sorry that this has happened to you, but you do have to realize that sex is for making babies, and should have been a little smarter about it. Whats done is done now though. As for your dad, he is probably still in shock, i would give him some time. In the end though it is your choice. Fact is, you had sex and got pregnant, and now you need to take responsibility for that. Ill tell you something though, your boyfriend is going down the smartest road. Adoption is the best option. There are many people who can not get pregnant and you going into that would be such a blessing to someone else. Or you can get an abortion. Your choice, but i can tell you that it isn't fair for your child to pay for your mistakes. I would look into more before you do it (if you decide to do so). It is harsh on your body and can cause problems if you want to get pregnant later in life. Go to your Counselor at your school. They are trained to help and she will get all the resources for you and be there to listen. Or even an Aunt would work too. I realize that your mom is deceased and that makes things very difficult. But a sister of your father or mother can help. Whether or not you abort the baby, this will be a very hard time in your life and i just want you to know that everything does happen for a reason, though you may not know it now. Everything works out in the end. My mother had me and my brother at a very young age. She tells me all the time how shes so happy that she had us and didn't abort us because we are the light in her life. She raise us alone too, single mother. I have to say i am so grateful to be alive and not aborted. I love my life and am so happy that my mom kept me(:I hope this helps a little bit and it never hurts to prayGoodluck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): Sit them down together and let your thoughts out.It's really the only way.Flynn 24
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