A
male
age
36-40,
*ohnsmitty3000
writes:My first love dumped me a week ago. We were together for over 8 months. It was bliss. But when summer came around she started getting cold and distant. I didn't know what to do. When she dumped me she said she didn't want a boyfriend right now and she just wanted to have fun. She said that she wanted me to remain a part of her life and stay friends. My emotions forced me to agree. I'm in so much pain. She is already "with" another guy. One of her sisters friends. They've obviously been "talking" for a while. She does all the stuff she used to do with me with him like always being around him and constantly texting, talking on the phone, all the honeymoon stage stuff. She's already gone to the beach and the lake with him. He stays at her house till midnight like I used to. They're going camping next weekend. All of these activities are going to bond them so much more. I do know the real reason she dumped me. This was my first serious relationship. I was much too jealous and controlling. I made mistakes and my jealousy was stupid and at times extreme. But I did these things because I thought I was losing her. Very insecure and counter-productive I know. Also I wanted to be around her always because just being in her company brought me joy. I adore her. I know it appears I was needy and clingy and insecure. I'm self aware of all this now, I know how not to act in a relationship and I know we could have something amazing, because my jealousy was our only issue. The realization was late, but I believe I can overcome my faults since I know what went wrong. How can I show her that I can change and not be that way anymore if we're not together? She's 19, I'm 22. Another thing that drives me nuts is that she wants me to date other girls. How could she be over me that fast? And lose all interest in me? How can I bring out the feelings she had for me in the beginning if she's with somebody right now? How can I bring what we had back? I've told her that I'm okay with the break and that we need space and that of course we should be friends (Of course that's not true), but I don't want to be doomed to the friend zone. I also don't want to lose her from my life. I know I should fall back for awhile and hope she misses me because I can't compete with the honeymoon stage feelings right now. She's not thinking of me because she's feeling this guy. How long till she thinks of me again? I know I have to improve my life for me and make it so my world doesn't revolve around a girl, but instead leave a place for a girl to be a part of it. I want that to be her. I miss her every morning when I wake up. I want her to realize that we can be great again. I'm madly in love with her and I just want my baby back.. What should I do? Thank you all..
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male
reader, L.L +, writes (1 July 2009):
Man, I went through THE EXACT same situation. Left me for a dude who was everything I was not at the time. That was a year ago..and to THIS DAY..I'm not over her. Haven't been able to find ANY better since her. I just wish that I knew what I had at that time. It sure teaches us lessons, which is SOMETHING that we got out of it. I know you want more (as do I). But in all honesty, she looks as if she moved on my friend. Mines the same way...how are you supposed to find more, when you already found a dream? We have to give it back?! ...sad to say...yes. Dude I KNOW it sucks. I've never been on a dating drought like I have since her. ONE YEAR and 3 dates only! And with CHICK FRIENDS, no "talking" phases, no potential relationships, etc...I'm the walking definition of "gave up". Don't be like me. Go out more...to places where you think you can find better. Clubs and bars..no. Certain sides of town where certain "types" of people hang around (whatever "your type" is). I found mine from her jobs..seeing her around, got closer and going to see her from time to time. Also when you're not looking, they'll appear..when you least know it. And I know, it's so easy to say that. That's really all I can say man, I'm still heartbroken as well..every night, every morning. All I can say is good luck and I'm sorry you're in the same boat..
A
female
reader, Dark_Storm  +, writes (13 June 2009):
 she has obviously moved on and its time that you do the same. Try and maintain a civil friendship but realistically can u see it working?
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