A
female
age
36-40,
*rincessjasmine
writes:whats wrong with me? why do i hook up with guys who i dont really like... not really into physically either, but still get horny if their in my apt. well ok, its just one guy, i feel lonely and he likes me, he's decent looking but i dont want to be with him at all... im not even fully attracted to him but b/c i feel alone, i like the comfort and the fact that i can hook up with someone if i want to.... but i dont even have great orgasms, i have better ones doing things by myself.... but i get scared in this place alone too (first time living on my own) and so i tell myself NO i cant hook up with someone i dont wana be in a relationship with, but its so easy to do so. why am i like this? how can i change and just be independent, and not need the attention from a male. i think the only way I'll find love is if i love myself but how can i love myself when i degrade my body like this right? whats the way towards finding that love for self?
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (18 October 2010):
 Yeah, hookups are a pretty bad call. Girls rarely orgasm from them; the guys just don't care enough. At least it's only the one guy - having too many sex partners can seriously hinder your ability to form lasting pair bonds later in life, and guys in general hesitate to commit to a woman with a sordid past. So you've at least avoided that pitfall.
You say you're living on your own. This urge is your instincts acting up - evolution at work. A lone cavegirl was basically doomed, so she'd have sex with a male to secure a protector/provider. This instinct is what's making you act up and get horny when you don't feel safe.
Your best bet would be to move in with some (preferably female) roommates. It would alleviate the loneliness and give you more to do. Learning to love yourself is a great step, and it's good of you to recognize that - but doing it can be tough. This is a good time to lean on your friends for support, people are always happier and more confident when they're with good friends.
Don't worry about a guy, one way or another. If you meet a good one, give him a chance - don't turn him away just because you're trying to be independent. But use your judgment, and try to avoid degrading yourself with a bad guy. Best of luck to you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): Im working on this same issue. I looked all over the place. I've decided to work on my self esteem more and more. Not that it's really bad but I need to find myself to lose this empty feeling I get from some people and things. I think in a way I numb myself of all the good things in life. I'd suggest affirmations, reading storys of people who found themselves and always picking what you want. No matter how small something is always make the choice that you want it.
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