A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I snooped into my fiance's (of 8 months) emails and discovered that he's answering and posting sex ads as a bisexual man (he posted as such). He's never discussed this with me. I don't have a problem with it as I realize that sexuality comes in all forms. However, I am not comfortable with the fact that he's cheating regardless of whether he's giving or receiving head from another man or having sex with him. I have had an inkling to this behavior for a few months and I tried suggesting a threesome with another man. He wasn't for it...? Is he afraid of telling me that he is bisexual? Would he rather have the random, anonymous sex with strangers? What would be the reason for this. I'm not closed off to a open relationship...but what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Appreciate it!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): Sounds bisexual or bicurious of course, but not accepting the threesome with another man refers to one of 3 possibilities:
1- Not wanting to share you with another man, which is quite understandable.
2- Denial, as aforementioned by some answerers already.
3- True rejection, as in the event that these ADs represent mere fantasy, but were never planned at any point to take place in reality, and in this case you can add not wanting to share you also.
I do not think he has lied or anything!!! He was never asked as I understood. Hiding is one thing and lying is another. Consider the above-mentioned factors and ask him directly for no apparent reason if he has ever done 'stuff' with another male. Take it from there.
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (23 May 2010):
Since when was sucking cock not sex?
Ok, more on topic... he's likely to be far more interested in an anonymous NSA sexual hookup as his lust will get him through the event and then he can bolt and return to the world that he wants to acknowledge. If he invites another guy into the bed he shares with you, and you watch him getting pounded by this guy he will always know that you know and that will bring it out into the light.
You two need to have a series of serious conversations concerning your relationship, love vs. lust, loyalty, health risks and sex. Open relationships are a lot more work than monogamy. You might try swinging with bi couples, and not an open relationship (which insinuates a romantic involvement in addition to sex).
Regardless, I recommend against marriage until you two work this out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): You are a cover girlfriend to make him think hes not gay. he will come out eventually.
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A
female
reader, Bubblii  +, writes (23 May 2010):
I think it's very good you found out now before you got married. I agree with Moo's Mum 100%, the real issue obviously isn't his sexual orientation but that he's lying (either directly or by ommission) to you. Marriage is hard work. The best foundation is one built on honesty, respect and mutual understanding.It would be my priority to sit down with him and work out what you both want from each other, what you're both prepared to give and what you want from life in general. Only you know if you can forgive being deceived, but if he kept being dishonest I would be out that door. A relationship is hard enough without adding distrust into it.Good luck, I hope things work out for you the way you want them too. You sound like a wonderful person. You deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and honesty, otherwise just kick him to the curb girlfriend!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): Well if your happy with an open relationship you better tell him what you found! If It was me the relationship would be over but you seem to be in a diffrent place.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Probably , he feared that you would leave him if you come to know that he is bi sexual or have gay tendencies..
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Oh dear what I find disturbing about this whole thing is the lying. Why is he lying to you about this when you've given him an obvious opportunity to be open about it? If he's lying and hiding stuff this early on in your relationship it doesn't bode well for the future.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Yikes! Why would you want an open relationship? Aren't you worth dating someone who only has eyes for you? That behavior, of getting anonymous sex from multiple partners, puts you in danger of STD's. If he has to cheat with random people, he's not ready to marry.
This is not about sexuality. This is about monogamy and love. If he were taking out ads for female companionship, you'd be spitting nails.
Stick to your guns. He is not the right man for you.
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A
female
reader, chaarzx  +, writes (23 May 2010):
if i was you i would confrunt him, if he denys it tell him that youve seen it all and that you know its true, communticate with him
i hope this helped!
chaarzx
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