A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My fiance's mother passed away last month and he has been so cold and distant, and then blaming me for not suggesting to postpone the wedding, then can't wait to see me... it's been a roller coaster of emotions. I love him so much and have been there for him at every step. I feel bad even asking for anything I need, but at the same time it's hard to give when you're just getting sucked dry and not getting fed emotionally yourself.I have lost many people in my life (father, cousins, aunts, friends) so my experience with grief and death is probably more philosophical than his, as this is his first close experience with it. I'm scared that we will never get married, especially now that he's saying he'll never forgive me for not suggesting to postpone the wedding (ultimately, we did). It's confusing to me, because if the situation were reversed, if I had lost my mother, I wouldn't postpone a wedding that's 3 months away. I would grab at it with both hands to move forward. I tried to explain this, but we have different points of view.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Your fiance needs to get a grip that HE is responsible for his own emotions and well being. You are not his keeper. He is old enough to say for himself that he needs to put brakes on wedding plans to process his grief.
Since you now know it is an issue for him, it might be wise to stall the plans. What is right for you, may not be right for him and vice versa.
Did you want a new husband who is still feeling depressed and regrets marrying you while is in a state of grief?
No two people grieve the same way. Do not take his blaming you personally. He is not ending the relationship-he is asking you for HELP by taking pressure off of him when he is not in the right state of mind.
Show him that you love him more than a wedding.
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