A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This guy I met over the summer (we worked away together and are currently living in different countries) and I completely fell head over heels for each other without even meaning too. It just happened and it swept us off of our feet. The only thing was, he was recently engaged. He mentioned that his relationship was having problems and so on and wasn't sure if she really was "the one" he wanted to marry. About a month after we left our summer jobs and returned to our own home towns we kept in touch but I kept my distance so that he could figure out things with her. Turns out he ended the engagement mainly because she wasn't the one for him, and he never felt the way he does for anyone like he does for me.The problem is, we want to have our relationship, but we don't know how to do it because he doesn't want his family to think that the only reason he ended things with his finance was because of me (because that wasn't the case). We want to go visit each other so bad but are worried about what our families might say/judge because we don't want them to get the wrong impression. And I have NO idea whether to tell my family about his recent engagement, or just start fresh and let them find out eventually that he was engaged.Any advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): First off, keep your families out of it at this stage. You are both adults and can do what you want. Second, no one needs to know his dating history or yours. He was engaged but says it's over. Take his word for it but keep your eyes wide open in case there are signs he is still with her and playing you along for a fool. Third, are you from different cultures as well as different cultures? There isn't a lot of difference (though some) between people from the US and Canada, for instance. But there is a LOT of difference between a US caucasian and an African black or a Chinese. If you are from similar cultures, your relationship has a better chance for success. This isn't prejudice I am talking about here, it is just a fact that the more similar the cultures, the fewer surprises. Different cultures react to life situations diferently and in a relationship, this can cause havoc. All that said, I wonder if you are just too immature to even think about a relationship with this guy. If you were mature, you would know how to proceed and would not even think of involving your family in his past history or his family in yours. Maybe you could keep in touch and do some growing up as well as thinking independently for a while. Then if you still like each other after emailing and phoning, try for a visit and see how it goes!
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