A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My best friend is a man and I am a woman. We have done everything together as companions for the last 6 months. We're both in our late 40's. I would like more but he doesn't not feel that way about me. He's been encouraging me to date and I have since learned that he has been trying to meet women to date. This has been going on all along but he kept it from me. This weekend is the first time I haven't spent either Friday or Saturday night with him as he had plans with male friends. He called me last night to inform me that he didn't go with the male friends because he met a woman on Thursday (from the on-line site he joined a week or so ago) and liked her so much he stood his male friends up to be with her again.Well it crushed me on so many levels because I want him that way and because I see our friendship changing as this new woman (or the next one he finds) replaces the time we had together. We have discussed that this would happen one day when one or the other of us found someone. I only hoped I would be the one to find someone first as I was the one who had feelings for him. It hurt so bad and I ended up telling him that I needed time to sort out these feelings I had for him. I told him I could not watch him fall in love right now, it hurt too bad.My question...did I do the right thing? Did I betray our friendship? Will we be able to be friends down the road or should I walk away from this friendship? I should also mention that my feelings for him have prevented me from making a connection with the guys I have dated. Do you think he is mad at me? I am finding this very difficult to go through without my best friend.
View related questions:
best friend, crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): I think you did the right thing in telling him that you need space to sort your thoughts and feelings out. You are hurting about this, so you need to do what is best for you. I think that if you was to keep quiet and accept the situation as it is, it would just be really painful for you, and it would all build up inside you.
I think you need to try and accept that he clearly doesn't feel the same way about you as you do for him. If he did, he would be having a relationship with you, and not with other women. He has been honest about this.
If it is too difficult to accept, then I think it might be best to make a clean break and walk away. Even if it means doing it slowly, by gradually seeing him less often. It sounds like he is moving forward with his life, and you seem to be feeling a bit left behind. Unfortunately, not all friendships last forever. They change, and sometimes there comes a time where you have to move on.
Maybe this is what you need to do, if it is hurting you so much. It really depends on whether or not you can tolerate this situation as it is or not.
I hope you are able to make a decision and find a way forward. x
|
