A
female
age
30-35,
*ethalInjection-x
writes:I feel pretty stupid asking for advice about this situation I'm in, considering I give advice so frequently on here. But it's obviously totally different when you're in the situation yourself, and I would appreciate any opinions/words of wisdom.I've recently split up with a long term boyfriend, we were dating for 15 months or so, and although he lived a good 200 miles away, we saw each other weekly and spoke every day. However, due to recent work commitments, we can no longer meet or even talk due to his hours, so we've decided the best course of action is to break up, then see what happens in a years time when I finish college.. (not holding my breath in that respect however).I'm not terribly sociable, and I have a very small amount of friends, but the few I do have I consider to be very close. One in particular, a male friend, I have known for around 6 years, and it's like we know each other inside out. For the last few months of my relationship, it was awkward, as he almost completely lacked a sex drive, whereas mine is apparently "abnormally high"? and I talk to this male friend about issues like this, as it feels like he is the only person I can talk to. In the past, me and this male friend have experimented together sexually, it was literally just fun between friends, and we did stay just as close afterwards - something I've heard is uncommon when sex and friends are mixed. We've stopped when one of us is in a relationship though, and that's been fine for both parties. As my relationship was breaking up, I've spent a lot of time with my friend, he's been taking me out a lot, and in his words "trying to cheer me up". We never kissed or did anything more than friends should however, he was just really easy to talk to and be around. A lot more recently though, he admitted he's had feelings for me for a long time, but never mentioned it because I gave the impression that the sex and friendship was unconnected (something I assumed in respect to him aswell). But then he said he didn't want to ruin the friendship so we were going to see how things progressed. After he said this, I stayed at his house for a few days as things weren't good at home. He kindly offered a place to stay and I took it. Unfortunately, we ended up having sex more than once.After sex, we spent the night together, talking about how we felt and with him being terribly sweet as always.. we talked about exes, problems and things on our mind. However, yesterday we were supposed to meet for a coffee, and at midnight he text me saying "Look I'm really sorry, and I know you'll probably stop talking to me afterwards, but (his ex) has asked if we can give things another go, and I said ok, so we're back together. I really don't want to lose contact, I still want to be friends".I've never cried so much. I have feelings for him I suppose, and love him to bits as a friend. I realise the tears were probably pent up hurt from all the goings on recently. But what do you suggest? The thought of not having him around to talk to and spend time with kills me, but I don't know what to do. Do you think he lied about having feelings for me?I have no idea what to feel at the moment. Everything that was constant in my life has changed (including things with family etc) and I just can't cope with all these emotions. I have probably 2 or 3 friends at a push, and I just feel lonely I guess.Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.
View related questions:
crush, sex drive, split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): I think you need to take a step back from relationships for a while and have some nights out with your friends. You said you just split from your previous boyfriend recently, so this is the last thing you need. It's hard to say if he had feelings for you or not, because most probably his feelings were all mixed up because of his ex, and he could've just been looking for comfort with a friend, which lead to more than he bargained for. Something we've all been guilty of at some point in our live's, is when an ex asks us for another chance, we drop everything and say yes. One thing you can sure take away from this situation, is that no matter your feelings for him, and whether or not he has any feelings for you, he's obviously a very indecisive person at the moment, and a relationship probably wouldn't have the commitment levels need to make it strong enough. From what you've described, it's sounds as though your feelings for him are very strong, and because of this, i can't advise you to try and sustain a friendship with him either at this particular time, because too many other emotions will interfere. As i said above, i think it wouldn't do any harm to spend a bit more time with your other friends doing stuff you enjoy doing, and keeping yourself occupied so your not thinking of him as much. Good luck!
|
