A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a long term relationship with an emotional girl for about 1 month. she is very emotional and feeling depressed all the time. we are in love, deeply. because we are living in different countries so I have no idea how to help her. but seeing the person you love being in pain is painful for me too.why is she always depressed and emotional? well from what she told me, her first love is the person who changed her. and this person is inevitable because she sees this person everyday at school.I feel so useless every time she says "I feel so depressed and lonely and I don't know why." while I'm here in front of the computer screen chatting with her. Then when I talk about how I feel she will say something like "I'm sorry I shouldn't say that, I'm being so mean." you know that feeling? that is the worst feeling. the feeling when you are right there for them but they still feel lonely.I don't know what to do. How can I make her feel happy or in other words, make her feel less lonely or depressed?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): you don't have control over her deep feelings of depression but whatever you do and say can make her mood slightly better or slightly worse.The key word is SLIGHTLY. you can be cheerful and bright for her and do nice things like send her flowers or cards, or you can be sympathetic and 'mourn' along with her. And these might make her feel a teensy weensy bit better in the moment.BUT you can't make her general depressive mood go away. Even if todayyou lightened her mood a bit by sending her flowers, you can't stop her depression feelings from coming back tomorrow. So if you're asking how you can make her depression be significantly reduced, the answer is: you can't. Just as you didn't cause it, you can't make it go away either.You can only at best improve her mood in the moment just a little bit or not do anything to make her mood even worse. But if you're already achieving this and you're asking how to accomplish even more at reducing her depression feelings, then the answer is that you can't.And you need to accept that so you don't become frustrated at yourself or at her when your efforts dont' seem to make a big difference. You see, when someone has depression, only they themselves can help themselves to get out of it. Only she can either change her attitude to life and learn to see things in a more positive way, or make decisions to improve her situation that will then lead to her feeling better. you just have to be patient with her and let her be as she is, and not try to control her mood for her.
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 Say this to her..."Sometimes, what we have to do, in order to build a good life, we have to tear the old one down..You have torn all the bad out of your life, and now you have the materials to build the foundation for a great new one.Take some time to work on yourself and start from the ground up. Focus on you.Here are some things that might help. What are some hobbies you have? What interests you? Find like minded people with similar interests, etc.Ultimately, however, all we really need is ourselves to make all the difference in our own world. You were a victim, now you are a survivor, and what you are doing and will be doing in the very near future will make you transcend to conqueror. Continue on the path you have set for yourself and you will soon be doing better than ever."You are your own savior. This will give her something to think about. Right now, what you are doing is enabling her depression and pity.
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