A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I don't really think I'm asking a question just randomnly ranting. But I am a 19 year old girl. I just feel like there is no purpose in this world for me. I don't have a job or going to college. I dropped out of college in November 2010 because I was si depressed because my first true love broke my heart. We were together for 3 years. I couldn't take it anymore and left college. I have had retail jobs but they are shitty and I have no motivation to do anything anymore. I have recently not made some good decisions. I slept with a guy back in January and contracted Herpes from him. I am upset about it bu deal with it cuz it's something I have to live with the rest o my life. I tae care of my sick mother who has cancer for two years. My family uses me as a servant and only need me around when I can do something for them. I am the caregiver for the family and everything falls on my shoulders. I have tried to recently find work but it's so hard. The worst decision I could make was with a friend. We decided to become prostitutes 3 months ago. The money is good and we don't do it that often but do when money gets really tight. W have had about 6 clients. The thing is I know it's wrong but it doesn't phase me because I already feel like I have no self worth. I know my probem is that I'm still hurting and not over my ex even though I haven't seen him in almost 2 years. Getting over someone is not as easy as it sounds. I put my everything into the relationship. Now I just sit around at home all day and cook and clean and feel so tied and wek for no reason. Idk just needed to rant maybe for some advice. ughh.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I have no judgment against prostitution and am not ignorant when it comes to the profession. Some women Ive been with in that capacity i can sense have troubled pasts in some form or another. Ive never given advice to any of them however here I think its warranted for yourself. Your past relationship has a huge effect on your decision making and I think has subconsciously influenced your negativity and downfall. I, too, have been thru hell with the three relationships Ive been in. Altho mine are not similar to yours, Id say a good place to start is to logically analyze the one you were in so can see what happened without all the emotion. Was there good communication? why not? how could learn from it? List the plus and minuses of the guy's personality you were with and mark to each one if it was something you liked or not but do not list why. Also, what led up to the breakup? This is the hardest part to analyze without any emotion and the bext approach is to go back and reflect on the relationship as a whole to see where both parties were wrong, had disagreements, etc. If you do not learn from your past, you cannot move on in any way. It will affect who you become negatively. In my case, and ill give you a very personal experience, I was horrible at attracting women and even maintaining relationships. After my analysis, i decided to learn psychologically how to attract women by books and by substantial practice in clubs and nightlife. The new physique also plays into this partly as it helped build my confidence... I was done being the overweight guy and realized (in my experience) that is not what women wanted... in that way i chose to adapt. I think in your situation you will have to continue to be patient and take initiative like i did with my example. Things dont change overnite but that is the reward to grow and learn how you can improve your life by accounting your experiences and seeing them as an overall positive so you can improve mentally and well, physically, too in my instance. head up. good luck doll.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I usually hate cliche sayings, but... "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I'll bet it feels like a thousand miles between where you are and where you want to be. There are effective ways to combat depression and to improve your life (more on those in a second). But no matter what anyone else says, *you* have to find it in *yourself* to take that first step, to dig up the motivation to do just the first thing all on your own.
So, practice! Write down one thing to do tomorrow, something that takes five or ten minutes, and promise yourself that no matter how tired you are, you'll do that thing before you go to bed. Doesn't matter how silly it is, so long as you can do it - sort your shoes by color, for all it matters. The point is to prove to yourself that you can take that first step. If you don't do it tomorrow, come up with something completely different for the next day and try again - say, measure every door in the house.
In fact, write a follow-up to this post when you've done that - just for my peace of mind, please.
Once you've proven to yourself that you can motivate yourself to do something, then it's time to find something productive. Start exercising - if you can't afford a gym membership, wake up twenty minutes earlier in the mornings and go jogging. If your neighborhood is bad for jogging, do bodyweight exercises at home (pushups, situps, handstand pushups, leg and calf raises, that sort of thing) for those twenty minutes, every day. Exercise is one of the best natural remedies for depression - it won't make it go away all on its own, but it's a great start, and it'll give you more energy for everything else after you get used to it in a few weeks.
Second, double down on the job search. The economy's crap, but that's life, and going at it hard will give you a leg up on anyone else who is discouraged by it. At the same time, try to climb the ladder at your retail jobs. Even a small step up is something to be proud of, and it makes it just a bit easier to save some extra money for school, or for whatever else.
Third, stop prostituting yourself. It will only make you feel worse. Feeling low self worth is no excuse - if you noticed you were driving the wrong way down a one-way road, would you keep driving? If money's tight, re-do the budget. Get the family involved in the budget if you can; if you can't, forget them, and just take care of yourself and your mother - let the rest of the able-bodied folks take care of themselves. If they complain, remind them that their opportunity to make things better lies in helping make ends meet, not in whining.
Lastly, give yourself a long term goal. Walking a thousand miles in a random direction isn't going to do as much good if you don't have a destination in mind. What do you want? To get your own apartment? To go back to school? To get a different job? To have enough time and money for a particular hobby? Set a good, realistic goal, something to work towards - and keep track of your progress. Sometimes there will be setbacks, or plateaus, but your proudest moments will not be when it's easy - they'll be when it was hard, and when you overcame it despite difficulty. Never be ashamed to pat yourself on the back for any accomplishment, no matter how "small" it might seem. Thousand miles, single step, remember that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): keep your head up hunny, you sound like a awesome person that is going thro a tough time.. but i think it would be in your best interest if you quit prostituting it can be a bad deal..i know people that have done the same thing and one of my best friends got kid napped and help just for sex and anything else he wanted..he got her pregnant 2 times..she now has 3 kids and she is only 18..hope you find the light at the end of the tunnel:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): keep your head up hunny, you sound like a awesome person that is going thro a tough time.. but i think it would be in your best interest if you quit prostituting it can be a bad deal..i know people that have done the same thing and one of my best friends got kid napped and help just for sex and anything else he wanted..he got her pregnant 2 times..she now has 3 kids and she is only 18..hope you find the light at the end of the tunnel:)
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