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female
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anonymous
writes: A have a big problem that maybe someone can give me advice! I have been married for 10 years and it seems that my life together with my husband is not going anywhere. I am now suffering of depression and sadness. Since 2002 we have been renting a house, but since 2005 my husband wants to buy a house. When it comes the time to buy a house I always come out saying that I will leave him or I don´t want the house. He tells me that he loves me, but I feel that our relationship is just to be together and that´s it. I am not happy with him. Now our two year house renting contract with end on July 31st. and now I came out tell him to go on renting the same house and to ungently buy a house and fix it if its used. My plans are to buy a house and wait for a year and divorce him and leave him the house. My husband wants only a house and by having it might fix our relationship or not. I just want to get away from him! He doesn´t believe on going to a marriage counselor because he thinks that the one that has a problem is me and not him. Thanks for the advice!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): Well, I can tell you that buying a house is not going to be your best bet at this point. If you are feeling that your life is not going any where and that is your only problem then you should talk to your husband, but you must be honest. Most relationships can be fixed at this stage of the marriage. You have hit the ten year mark and you are going through a transitional stage. As a married couple you have your life, but as an individual, you should try to find a little more independence. Try finding groups in your area that you can join. Like the women's club, or an affiliation in that description. Chances are you can go online and find things in your area. But the first question you have to ask is, "Do I love my husband, or do I really want a divorce?" You can answer both those questions but if you love your husband, don't answer the second one.
About the house. If you are going to purchase a house you have to know that if you are on the "note" you will still be responsible for that mortgage as well. If you get a divorce and you just bought, then it will be a hassel to get your name off of the loan. He will have to refinance and have to pay closing costs twice, if the closing cost was taken out of points on the mortgage to begin with.
If he still does not want to go to counseling, then maybe you should be asking yourself why? It sounds as if the marriage is not that strong to him, or he is wanting to call your bluff because he is scared that you will find out you don't love him. Make him sit down in you bedroom and ask him how he feels and make him listen to how you feel. If you are still confused about what to do, then you need to talk to someone, with or without him!
I hope this helps!
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 June 2006):
 If your income is factored into the buying of a house then you'd best leave him BEFORE the house is bought. You need to find a place of your own and find a therapist to help with your depression. Good luck.
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