A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I need some advice on how to get over feeling awkward when I get physically intimate with my bf, please. We've been togther 16 months and are now talking about moving in with each other. At first, our sex life was amazing....lots of lust! Over the last 2-3 months, that side has kinda died down a little, which initially was from his side. Nothing particularly happened, but we had started spending more time together (at his request) so I thought it was part of that, and kinda didn't worry too much about it. We had weeks where we'd hug and kiss every day, but only have sex once or twice in the week, or weeks were we'd hug/kiss every day with no sex at all. I did bring it up with my bf, and he said he did still find me attractive, but that he was tired and stressed about things going on at work and his head wasn't in the right place for sex. His work problems have resolved, and we got back on track with our sex life, but these last few weeks it's me that's changed, and last night, for the first time ever, I think sex was bad between us. For the last couple of weeks, I've started feeling a little awkward about kissing him. I think that might be because I felt a little rejected during the time he was stressed with work and not interested in sex, whilst I was wanting to be physically intimate with him. So these days, I don't initiate things. And when he does, I automatically think it'll be a half-hearted attempt on his part, so I don't really get into it. I feel awkward kissing him, awkward when he undresses me, and awkward being naked with him :( And the sex last night seemed to be about him gratifying himself really. There was no kissing, no build up (which there usually would be) :( I don't know if it's because I feel we've kinda become too close? He wants us to see each other every day, but I don't as it usually is a case of me making the effort to go and see him, to suggest things to do or to cook for us, with him watching dvds until he's tired and wanting to go to bed, so I guess I feel he doesn't want to make an effort with me anymore, which makes me feel undesired, unsexy.... Sorry this is so long.I guess what I'm asking is, how do I fix this? I love this man, and I really want a future with him. Nothing else has really changed between us, or with me-I still keep in shape, make an effort to look good, don't criticise him, etc etc....yes, everything else is great. Oh, and his work problems have settled now.I want to get back the lust between us, I want him to kiss me passionately when he sees me (like he used to)and I don't want to feel awkward when we do get intimate. I feel I should step back and say 'no' to seeing him every day....that way he might appreciate the time we have together more, make more of an effort, but I don't want to get into game-playing like that :(What should I do?Thanks for reading.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 HI
I think you have both got into a routine,so the fun side of things has got a little stagnant...If it were me ( as everything else is great ) I would spice things up a little, make it fun not serious, something like.....waiting for him to come home from work, when he walks through the door be waiting in a rain coat and heels but nothing else, holding a glass of wine for you both, have a bubble bath ready also incase he needs to freshen up! OR maybe tie him to the bed with your stockings next time, blindfold him, and tease him with a feather, untill neither of you can hold back any longer :)he will definately be kissing you passionately then. You will have to be brave , take a deep breath and go for it, whats the worst that could happen?
Mandy x
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