A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I feel inferiour after an incident happened last week. And it was a real kick in the teeth for me after I have tryed to improve everything. I have always had really bad self esteem, and recently I have been working on it, and it has got alot better, up until now. I ended up in a very tricky situation in which I kind of had both my ex boyfriend and bestfriend/ potential option for future boyfriend, attempting to win my attention! Suprisingly, even though alot of girls love the idea of two men fighting over them, I hated every second, but I still had high hopes for both of them, as I liked them both in different ways if that makes sense. They both made out I was everything to them, they liked me, I was the only girl for them and well it was nice to know someone cared. However, a night came when I was talking to my ex, about us getting back together, as I never did and still haven't got over him, he wrote me this massive paragraph basically just telling me that there was no one compared to me, and there was a girl who had liked him, and he didn't feel the same way, because he couldn't get over me. It made me feel wanted and liked someone cared, however after an anonmous tip off, I ended up speaking to the girl and was kind of told the opposite, she sent me messages from him claiming how much he liked her, how he was considering getting with her, and all that shit. It really hurt me, not to mention shes beautiful, he lyed to me, and it kind of felt like the only reason he was now talking to me again was because she wouldn't go out with him, even though it seemed like she was willing to, but it still made me feel like second best, and it really hurt. To make matters worse, I then decided to see if I could go round the bestfriend of mine who had also claimed to "like me", and I found out from his bestmate, that he was in the other room basically having sex with another girl, so once again it felt like I had just been dropped because someone prettier, thinner and whatever had came along. I still haven't got over it, and even thought me and my ex are now talking once again and trying to sort things out, I still just feel inferiour, I feel like everyones better than me, i'm un-attractive, people just come to me because they are in hope of something, and once they get it, there on to the next, I feel like no one cares, and that every other girl out there is ovbiously better than me. It doesn't help either that every boyfriend i've had has ended up cheating on me, so that makes me feel once again like i'm just not good enough. Soo suggestions? What do I do? Whats your outlook on this? Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 March 2013):
 The first thing you must do is learn that what OTHERS think does not make you who you are.... YOU can't base how you feel about yourself on what someone else thinks.
BTW boys wanting to have sex with you is not about them liking you... the boys that don't want to have sex with you at this age are the ones that like you for you. at 16/17 boys will pretty much have sex with anyone or anything that offers it.
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine today. I am 53 years old and my self-esteem is shaky on many levels... one thing I do not do however is base my likability or myself worth or my level of attractiveness on what others think...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013): You're a teenage girl. You've run into a teenage drama. Boys will be boys. They're young and stupid, and their hormones are out of control. First question? Why should you feel unattractive because a boy cheated on you? Answer:Boys are going to do that. They will cheat on the most beautiful girls; because the chance comes along, and they don't appreciate what they already have. They want everything they see. They don't have the brain-capacity to realize how it hurts until it happens to them. It will happen to them too. They will feel just as bad as you do right now.Next question:Why were you considered as a second choice, after he was rejected by another girl?Answer: He always had you in mind. He wanted to test the waters to see if he could get the other girl first. He wanted to make sure he had a back up; so he wouldn't look stupid and feel rejected. He could feel he had a backup plan and show her he still got someone anyway. Ditch him and tell him why.You should never let yourself be depressed or feel bad over the bad things boys do. Never blame yourself for what other people do. Especially; when you already see how wrong it is.Don't face being sad alone. Talk to your Mom, a sister, or a good friend. They make you feel better. Always walk with your head up, and never let any boy know they can break your heart. Always believe in yourself. You can control how people treat you. If they know you have confidence in yourself, they treat you with more respect.There will always be some boy out there checking you out, terrified that if he tried to talk to you, you might shoot him down. You don't even know it. Too busy crying over the losers. Don't shed another tear for those boys! Girls are always comparing themselves to other girls. Love yourself first. Your beauty is unique. You have your own mind and soul. If you always feel inferior to people you think look better, you will have a very unhappy life.You will always be beautiful in some boy's eyes. If you're too conceited, no one will really like you. They'll just use you because of your looks. Boys aren't always hung up on how you look. It just seems that way.We always seem to pay too much attention to the wrong people for us. We worry more about what they think, then they really deserve. Your feelings get hurt because you give them the power to do it. Learn to get over it.These years in your life will be fun, confusing, and totally ridiculous. The weird part is, boys never really change. They get older and bigger, but remain just as stupid. We cheat, take sweet girls for granted, and don't appreciate the great girl we already have. No matter how pretty, smart, and wonderful she is.You learned a couple of things about boys. Now you are smarter than they are, because you know what they're up to.If you can just enjoy being young, laugh off some of the goofy stuff, and try not to be an intense little drama queen, you'll look back and laugh at it all. You are still growing and changing. So you can't let your looks be a reason you feel bad. You won't look the same 4-5 years from now. How guys look at you and treat you will not be the same either.You will grow to have more confidence, experience, and you will have more control over how boys treat you. So don't let this take all the fun out of being who you are right now. Girls mature faster than boys for a reason.
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