| A ,
anonymous
writes: I'm going through a rather complicated situation right now.You see, I am a 19 years old college student and to make a long story short, I really like one of my tutors. He's 30 years old, and is everything I could want in a man.He makes me laugh, you know the deal. The thing is, I know I'm not 'in love', but I do really care about him.I’ll refer to him as ‘Alex’ in respect of his privacy.I have "liked" him since early 2004, having been at college since September 2003. I'm usually terrible with guys, I never know how to talk to them and I am extremely wary of them. He's different: he looks at me softly, speaks to me like it's the easiest thing in the world and makes me feel good about myself.Note that I haven't ever had a boyfriend. It takes a lot for me to trust a guy, they're usually after one thing. Here's a brief summary of events: 1. At the end of the first year, I plucked up the courage (or stupidity, one or the other) and told him that I was "Developing feelings for him". He was really sweet, a true gentleman, and told me that a) he is "too old" for me. b) It wouldn't be professional. c) He's always there for me, as a friend. and, d) He also assured me that he spoke to me and paid me more attention than the other students. (Bit of a double meaning; on one hand it's 'no' and on the other...) Things were fine. Only a few people knew that I liked him, and only one trusty friend knew that I had told him.2. Year two, him and I sort of "fell out", probably because of me (I'm a tad moody when stressed) and for a while we were alienated from each other. To make a long story short: I rectified the situation, sending him an email that settled things down.3. We’re back “on track”, good friends/tutor-student relationship and things are going okay. The only thing is, when one of my friends asked him if he had a girlfriend, he said ‘yes’. When I’d told him the previous term, he claimed to be single. Another tutor, however, was asked if Alex had a girlfriend, to which he sort of trailed off and said that Alex once had a bad experience with a long-term girlfriend. (I later found out from Alex that his long-term girlfriend –now his ex- cheated on him and broke his heart) I have spoken with another tutor on this whole matter, one whom I know I can trust. He tells me that it isn’t a question of whether I love him, as he doesn’t believe I do (hence why I say ‘not sure’), but if I COULD love him. He also told me that he doesn’t believe I have enough experience with boyfriends, and that I should try dating a few times to see if my feelings for Alex remain the same. The only thing is, I have some severe problems in interacting with males. They seem to evoke insecurity from within me, even when they’re cute and apparently nice.Alex is the sweetest guy I’ve ever met, he does things for people off of his own back and holds such empathy for others. I would give up college for him, if he were willing to be with me.Perhaps I don’t love him, but what I am sure of is that I could. -Confused 19-year old.
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Jenna, writes (24 January 2005): Hi. I've had a similar experience to yours which started about 2 or 3 years ago. I'm 20 now but was younger than you when it started and the tutor was a couple of years older than yours.I fancied this guy for well over a year before it went anywhere and tried to ignore it for the first few months. I never told anyone so I think you're very brave to have said something! Then in the summer of 2003 we began to get closer as friends. It was nothing really, just chatting every now and again. There was no sign he was interested in me and was infact married which complicated the problem and made me more sure I had no chance.Just after the following Christmas our friendship developed further but still thats all it seemed. We'd sit and have lunch together. Then we started texting eachother which also remained light hearted for a months or so. We started talking on the internet too and I began to realise he may fancy me too. By this time my feelings for him were much stronger and I did infact love him although I wouldn't admit it to myself! He started telling me I made him feel things he shouldn't as he's married. He asked me if he could kiss me and from there we told eachother how we felt and a relationship developed.We are still together a year on and I feel more in love with him every day. As a result though he lost his job, I lost my place as a student and we both lost friends.I would suggest that you really think about your feelings for this guy and if anything does happen between you, keep it quiet. See how it goes. You don't want to give up college to find he isn't going to last. Although I'm still with my guy I regret leaving college and I feel so guilty about him losing his job as he was a great tutor and has no chance of doing that job again as a result of our relationship. If you really care about this guy you will really think things through and take it very slowly and quietly for as long as possible.Take care. xxxxx
A reader, Wise Worm, writes (6 January 2005): This is normal, what is your history with guys? How is your father daughter relationship? Its easy to get mixed feelings about people you look up to and respect. Don't confuse a crush with love. A crush is when you find someone attractive, interesting and just perfect. When you love someone, you realise their mistakes and weaknesses and want to help them overcome them, so together you can make a stronger "person" You sound very mature for a 19 yearold, but don't rush your life... Don't waste the years dreaming about something thats just going to cause pain. Focus on meeting new people and getting comfortable around guys and get to know yourself better.
...............................
|
