A
female
age
30-35,
*nderTow70
writes:To begin I feel like the whole world is against me. I am married my husband's mother hates me. I am very nice, and polite to her. She loves to say mean things to me and I let it roll of my shoulders. After my son was born my husband and I moved a couple of hours away because it was convenient for traveling back and forward to work. One day she called and was very upest with her son he was busy so she took it out on me and called me a few bad names. I put her on speaker phone so he could hear. A few days went by and he finally called her back. He told his mother he was upset reason being was the belittling toward his wife and she owes his wife an apology.. So years went by without the two of them speaking. I sent her cards apologizing to her for anything I have done to her to make her dislike me. I even called her on christmas so our son can thank his grandmother for the gifts she sent.. One night I was on a social networking site and recieved and email for my husband sister stating they was blaming me for there brother not talking to there mother. So the very next day I called his mother and sincerly apologized and I was crying because it has really been upsetting me. His mother did not apologize back to me or say apology accepted. I imediatly got her son on the phone and the two of them spoke about everything but what needed to be discussed. I personally feel like I didn't get any closure and it hurts me because she acted like it wasnt a big deal. I was crying and pouring my heart out to her.. I am always the first to apologize to anyone even if it is not my fault. My very own mother and sister have said nasty things to me and make me out as the bad person in every situation.. Why are people like this too me??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 March 2011):
 i do hope you grow in strength and resolve to deal with the situation. It is good that you are determined to rise above this. Celebrate every move you make in the right direction. Best wishes, Abella
A
female
reader, underTow70 +, writes (1 March 2011):
underTow70 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you(=
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A
female
reader, underTow70 +, writes (1 March 2011):
underTow70 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a million!! I have ordered the self help book by david seabury" I really hope it helps me rewire myself. My inlaws are very rude and can be dangerous people. I have deleted the two siblings from my social networking site. All these years I have been killing them with kindness, thought it would stop there nonsense... Thank you again.. bless you(=
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 February 2011):
you do not need to apologize for anything you did not do. This is submissive behavior. Where you hope that by being submissive that you will be safer from abuse.
You possibly learnt this behavior from childhood,
And it indicates low self esteem. Where you try to prove that you are no threat to
someone being nasty to you.
But this submissive stance does not work.
You have to learn the Art of Selfisness in an effort to better stand up and be counted.
People like your MIL do not 'do' sincere apologies and 'closure' is likely to result in being nasty to you again.
What you do need is a break from all these nasty tiring people.
Wherever or whatever you do, do not tell the inlaws until you have been to
Even if the break is just a walk around a lovely public garden or visit to the Zoo.
And will be really good for you is to be really good to you. Every day. You have to start doing something nice for you. Because
You do deserve it, and you are worthy of being treated well.
Be very wary of your MIL, you know she is not your friend.
Some really mean people do not know how to apologize. Don't seek closure from such people. Their apologies will be insincere anyway.
Recording your MIL was brilliant! Keep your distance fro, this woman as she is not worth the trouble.
And every morning when you wake up look in the mirror and tell yourself that you ARE a lovely person. Because you are.
Don't resort to the aggression of the others. But keep calm if you have to be in their presence. And if they are rude, stand up, collect your things and tell them that their remarks are unjustified/or unsubstantiaed /untrue (whichever applies).
Then walk out. Do not listen to their retorts.
Keep working on improving your confidence.
The more they see that the can't 'get ' you the less they will be interested in abusing you.
They are bullies. And like a cat torturing a mouse they prefer an opponent who they think can't fight back and is easy to torture. That does not make it right. It is despicable nasty behavior on their part
Rise above them all and work on believing in you. Schedule activities with your husband and child. If that means you cannot attend something at their place then that's too bad. Do not feel you have to apologise. Because there is nothing to apologise.
Also do not explain yourself so much.
If you cannot attend something you only need to say that 'other priorities mean we can't attend' because 'why' you cannot attend is none of their business.
Give your husband the calm peaceful happy home that he knows he can't have at home.
Also do not feel under any obligation to allow your child to visit grandmothers who do not show you respect. You are the final arbiter of where your child goes and who your child sees.
If the grandmothers want to communicate with you in a kinder frame of mind then they can only see their grandchild on your terms.
You are not a beach ball to be tossed around at their whim.
Hard as it is, you need to assertively (not aggressively) stand up for yourself. Using a dignified approach - not the abusive approaches they use.
And standing up for yourself can also include absenting yourself from their presence - and NOT feeling any guilt about doing so
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