A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boy friend and I r relatively a new couple. He lives with his twin brother and a friend. I was staying in their place for the first time and just to clarify. Before that night me and his brother were getting along real well that I would call him real friendly with me. Around the third night I was to stay over the brother called my boyfriend to talk with him and it turned into the nastiest argument. He called me greedy and that I was taking advantage of my bf somehow. Their house is pretty small and I was in my bfs room when that happened. My bf stood up for me all the way but I couldn’t stay the night so I gave my bf an excuse and went home. Apparently the brother wanted me to clean the kitchen since I was staying there for 3 days and two nights so far. Although we hadn’t eaten or prepared any food there since they dnt cook and I didn’t feel comfortable enough yet around the kitchen. I told my boyfriend after the argument that maybe we should clean the kitchen out of courtesy but he strongly refused. I don’t want to get in between them because they r alone in a foreign country and they only have each other. I dnt want to loose my bf either since I really like him and I can see us going somewhere in the future. Pls help as this happened today and im really clueless. Should I go back to that house to visit my bf? Should I only meet him outside as stupid as that sounds? What to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (21 October 2017):
 I agree with all previous responses.
You should definitely keep away, until your bf gives you the full green light to step back into their place.
You always take the higher ground and show these guys that you are not ill mannered, you're no doormat and that you are an intelligent being who gets the picture.
His brother had no right to make that comment regarding you cleaning their kitchen.
Your bf lives there and pays his part of the rent, so he should help with all clean ups, not you.
It's ok if you helped your bf to clean up, only if you chose to, but you've no obligation to do any cleaning whatsoever.
Is there a bit of sexism going on with your bfs brother?
You are not their maid, you are the gf of your bf, who just happens to live there with 2 other guys. That's it.
Try to give your bf and the other 2 guys their space for now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2017): I don't think your boyfriend prepared his roommates for overnight company, and an extended-stay.
I don't think there were any house-rules established between them; they just fly by the seat of their pants, and haggle it out when somebody screws-up.
You didn't stay overnight, you stuck around for three days!
That's intrusive, and your boyfriend should have worked that out beforehand. Guys will be guys, and they can't do the things they normally do, because you're there. It's not just his place, he shares with two others. He may have even given his twin grief in the past, and this is just payback. Poor you got caught in the middle of it!
You have no obligation to clean-up if you didn't mess-up, but it's courteous to offer; or just do it. If it's a tiny place; you should have been reluctant to stay more than a night. You could see there's a deficit for space; and some people react very negatively to being crowded-in by people they hardly know. They live like sardines as it is!
Meeting you for the first-time, I find it strange his brother can conclude that you're greedy; but he would only think you're taking advantage if you stayed without prior approval from the group. Not just because your boyfriend took it upon himself to decide for everyone. That's really the problem.
Twins are naturally and intensely protective of each other; and will blame outsiders for their disagreements before faulting each other. There might even be a little jealousy thrown in there for good-measure. There might have been something brewing long before you stepped into the picture.
Just get a nice motel room, or spend time at your own place. It's a little odd if you're both over 25; and don't have places of your own yet. I guess when you don't, you have to find reasonable accommodations for privacy; and to avoid interference from others. Especially when it's a new relationship. Do not return to the house until your boyfriend has made peace with his brother, and the air has cleared.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 October 2017):
 Don't spend the night there until all is sorted out. TELL your BF that.
As for the brother wanting you to clean the kitchen because you stayed 3 night... um, why the kitchen? Because you are a female? Or because it was dirty and SOMEONE should clean it?
I get that helping out and pitching in is a GOOD way to keep drama out of the picture, but you are the GF of one of the people living there... NOT the live-in maid. If anyone should have cleaned the kitchen it's your BF. (and you could have helped if you chose to do so).
Honestly? I'd keep seeing him AWAY from that house for a while. Let these guy sort out whatever is going on here. It might not even have anything to do with you.
And no I don't think you are greedy for spending 3 days at your BF's place - but REMEMBER it isn't just HIS place - he SHARES it with 2 other people. 2 other people who PITCH in and PAY for whatever is at the house.
So yes, for now... no more house dates.
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