A
female
age
30-35,
*m875
writes:Should i choose my family or boyfriend. Ill keep it very short my boyfriend is beyond amazing he loves me like hell i adore him and he supports me no matter what and will never ever leave me or my family that considers me as a girl less than my brothers and i have no rights like them just because im a girl they love me yes they support very good education but i cant take it i end up depressed with them and they r selfish they dont see theyre doing me wrong. Can i be with both ? No. Bcuz me n him come from different cultures and religions so my family wouldnt accept him ever that is why being with him is being away from them and never having relations with them bcuz the closest word would be running away frm them . Im in prison with my family really and im just happy when im with him i can forget the whole world with him. So what would Really be the better choice .
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (22 April 2014):
 I can understand exactly where you are coming from. I know in many cultures women are not treated equally and given the same opportunities. it must be difficult. It seems that you are tired of feeling second class.
I think you need to figure out who you are and how you want to live. And then go from there. Leaving your family doesn't necessarily have to mean it's for your boyfriend. it can be for a different set of values and a different way of life in general. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. It is very hard to make a decision like that and go against your family and your culture. if that is what you choose to do, I think you are a very strong and brave woman. Keep us updated.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014): "You claim someone ran-away and they're are happier than ever. Only as far as you do. People go to great lengths to hide their mistakes."
[Edit] You claim someone ran-away and they are happier than ever. Only as far as you know. People go to great lengths to hide their mistakes.
Meaning, things aren't always as they seem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014): You claim someone ran-away and they're are happier than ever. Only as far as you do. People go to great lengths to hide their mistakes.
You only know what you see from the outside. You're only making a argument for your case. You really have little else to support your choice to chose one over the other.
Women often surrender their lives to men, only to find out he wasn't as perfect as they had created in their minds.
One thing for sure, "you know your family." Running away to be with someone only has a happy ending in movies and storybooks. You'd do better getting your family to support you, and accepting your boyfriend. Then things work out better in the end.
It's a story that has been told many times over. The more you think your family disapproves, the closer you'll cling to him. Later come the tales of woe. How they you your family, you can share your accomplishments, how you feel so isolated, how you miss your traditions, and friends. On and on and on.
It is one thing to remove yourself from an abusive or dysfunctional family. If they are cruel to you, and you are a victim of criminal mistreatment.
You are simply crossing traditional lines; but you're forgetting what other sacrifices you'll be making once you do it.
The best lessons in the world come from experience.
Results vary, and runaways don't always get what they hope for. You'll never convince me that being estranged from your family is the right thing to do. Because life changes, people change, and circumstances change. If he was the right guy, there would be no drastic choices or sacrifices to be made.
If you were sure of yourself, you wouldn't have come here for advice. I can't tell you what to do, but I can warn you that it is not a good idea to chose a "boyfriend" over your family. If you do, don't burn any bridges behind you, because fate may have it that you'll have to turn around and cross that bridge again.
You're old enough to make your own choices. You're also old enough to face the consequences. Don't use some cousin's choice as your excuse to runaway. If that is what you want to do, then do it.
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A
female
reader, mm875 +, writes (22 April 2014):
mm875 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers i just want to mak a couple of things clear im 20 bt what i have been through has made me a lot more mature than that and he is 27 he isnt a young boy. He is financially stable and he is more than willing to do whatever to give me peace he never asked me to leave them on the contrary he suggested he is willing to come n ask their permission n change his whole life ,his name, his religion but i didnt accept that and i will not. I also have no doubt of my family loving me n yes family wants the best for their children but their definition of "the best" is based on traditions so they can never get pass that no matter what n i cannot stand being unfairly treated just becuz im a girl n i actually had a family member who had the exact same problem and she ran away with her husband anr nw they r happier than ever. Im just torn apart n i cnt decide bt i thank u so much for ur answers
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (22 April 2014):
I can relate to this question in a way. My girlfriend is half Saudi Arabian and half American. Her mom is Saudi, and her dad is American. She often has this very same dilemma because as is well-known, it's not accepted in Saudi culture to be gay. At least not out about it. So to admit to being with me means losing her entire mothers side of her family. Her dad accepts it, but they aren't close anyway. So that's not an issue for her. But she does, however, worry about her moms side.
She fears coming out to her mom (who lives here in the US) and her family in Saudi, and losing them all. And what if we break up? She lost her whole family all for nothing.
However, on the other hand, she doesn't want to give up on love simply because her family is too closed-minded to accept her for who she is and who she loves.
The conclusion I believe she has come to that gives her the most peace of mind is that if we decide to move in together, she will tell her family. And the plan is to move in together in the next year or two. So in a way, ultimately, she choose our relationship over her family. Or plans to.
Also, her therapist has told her that she is ultimately the only one responsible for her own happiness. Eventually, she will form her own family separate from her family, and that should be with the person she sees best fit and who she's the happiest with. granted, this is also a very individualistic, rather than collectivistic outlook. This individualistic outlook is a very Americanized outlook. It relies heavily on the fact that you are your own person and will separate from your family and be on your own. If this isn't an ideal you can get on board with, then disregard my point of view. I know many societies and cultures are collectivistic and not individualistic.
But for me, I would personally rather be happy with the person I love than miserable with a closed-minded family who couldn't accept me for who I truly am and who I truly love.
Best of luck in your decisions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014): You are an adult. Act like one. Make your own decisions and deal with the consequences, be they good or bad. You no longer have to obey their every word. Show them you are mature enough to handle yourself. If it fails, show them you are mature enough to handle that as well. The only way you can learn to be an adult is by jumping into the ocean of life and swimming or sinking.As for my opinion... if they are any kind of family at all, they will accept your relationship, even if they don't agree with it because of some selfish religious reasons. If the relationships breaks in the future or if it doesn't it is their job as a family to be there for you.Religion should NEVER separate two people in love. NEVER. Anyone using religion to do that is just using religious doctrine to hide their own petty prejudices.Flynn 24
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2014): Going to be a bit controversial and say, boyfriend!
Only because it sounds to me like by choosing your boyfriend you would be choosing to make yourself happy and that's what the choice should be based on!
Yes family will always be there BUT you never know, your boyfriend might be too!
Family should support and respect each other's decisions, as long as you aren't being abused in any way.
Your 18-21 according to your age range, your a young adult, maybe this guy won't be forever but this is the time to make mistakes!
Good luck, have fun and be safe!
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (21 April 2014):
 I've been where you are, and I have to tell you that your family knows best. I went against my family and married someone they did not approve of. I lost all connection with my family and when the veil lifted regarding my marriage, I realized I made a poor choice. My family was right all along. I learned my lesson the hard way.
If your bf is as sweet and caring as you say he is, then he will work very hard to win your family's trust and consent to be with you. If he's man enough, he will go to meet your parents to ask their permission to be with you. That is what a good, honourable man will do. My ex husband did no such thing. In fact he encouraged me to leave my family behind. He was a selfish bastard. He isolated me from the people who truly cared about me, and he turned out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing.
Don't make the same mistake I made. Listen to your family, and if your bf truly cares about you and wants to be with you, then he will do the honourable thing and go meet your parents.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2014): If your boyfriend leaves you, you'll have only your family in the end. Your family is forever; boyfriends come and go. You may decide maybe you may want to end it with him someday.
You are very young; so you will only look at things in the here and now. You can not eat love, it will not cover your naked body, or shelter you from the cold. You also have to see things toward the future. You need to finish your education and get a job to support yourself. You're thinking as a child, not as a woman.
He is only a boyfriend, so you can only sacrifice so much; when he has no legal obligation to care for you, and he is only a young boy who can change his mind in a split second.
To isolate yourself from your family is foolish. You would be placing your life in the hands of a boy. He is as young as you are, of a different culture and religion. Who is to say his family will not pressure him to leave you for a girl of his own culture and religion? Are you absolutely sure he will be willing to give up his family for you?
One hundred percent sure?
You should see the world through the eyes that you will take care of yourself!
You will have both your family and your boyfriend. Have they ever met him? Are you sure they will never approve of him? As for you being a girl, it is nonsense to think your parents love their sons more than they love you. They love you as a girl, but your culture may have different expectations of men. So boys may be raised differently according to tradition.
How is your mother treated? Think of how it could be if your boyfriend suddenly decides he wants to change and become dominating over you? If you give up your family, where will you go if he leaves you for someone else?
Don't let your heart runaway with you, and make foolish and childish decisions. You have a home, a family who loves you, and you are looking for reasons to runaway with some boy who is of a different culture; that you may have to adjust to, but may not accept you. You don't live together.
He would expect you to clean and to cook. What if you get pregnant? Can he afford to support three?
Family is first and best in this situation. Young love is intense and you hope it will last forever. More often, it does not last too long. It is only a trial relationship; which may only be one of others to come in the future.
Family love is a different kind of love. It is more of a sure thing. What makes you so sure his culture will treat you better as a woman?
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (21 April 2014):
 I hate to sound so harsh I wouldnt be to concerned about family or boyfriend. I can relate to this situation but I choose me in the end over mom dad step dad family and boyfriends and girlfriends. Enjoy the good times with both makes more since to me. So its odd you would have to change to a,man to get respect but I wouldnt do that either. I was raised that way and I just want to be me however that is If I like it its a go. No truck driver over here that thinks she's a women. I am woman that can be a truck driver. Lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2014): Independence would be better. You're forgetting that you are young and your boyfriend can promise to never leave you, but relationships at your age often don't last long into adulthood because people change and grow in different ways. I'm not saying you won't last, but I think you should stick with your family until you can afford to support yourself, then you can do whatever you want and date your boyfriend but be capable of supporting yourself if your relationship ends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2014): You're still young and you can't control your own feelings or someone else's. This with your boyfriend might not work out, give it a few years. Your family are only trying to do what is best for you.
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