A
female
age
41-50,
*ositivethinker
writes:Dear Cupids,I really need your help! One of my best friends, who I also share the same workplace as, accused me of stalking him this week. It is absolutely untrue. The reason being that another friend told him I was asking for information about him. I've not done this. I even have no idea what information I was supposed to be trying to find out! He asked me not to contact him anymore, until after a long cooling off period.I've never been falsly accused of anything before in my life, and it's making my physically ill, most specifically because we share the same workplace and I'm worrying he is telling people. I don't know what to do. I sent the friend a message that it is not true, so I have made that clear. What do I do now? Do I just shrug it off and hope that the friend realises after the cooling off period? I don't know what to do at work though, should I tell anyone? I'm worried that he's telling people this and people will believe it. What do I do??
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at work, best friend, period, stalking, workplace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, positivethinker +, writes (15 July 2011):
positivethinker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for considering my problem! It's been a very stressful past few days, and your suggestions and advice is making me feel so much better.
If we weren't in the same workplace, it would be easier to some degree, but it is so hard.
I won't mention it to anyone else, and if anyone does mention it to me, I will briefly dismiss it, as anonymous suggested.
Being in a situation like this can really get you down. I can't even defend myself, as that would make things worse. I don't know who has been saying these things either. I'm definitely going to stay away from the mutual friends and him as much as I can. Hopefully time will heal and he will eventually come around.
Thank you all again for your advice!
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 i'm guessing she fancies him and is trying to drive all other females out of the picture. it makes sense that a woman would make up lies to get a man to herself. thats pretty much the basis of all female aggression. instead of fighting like men women make up vicious lies about each other to mess with them psychologically cos they're better at it than men by a long way.
good luck and hopefully in time he will see that he's been duped. if not so be it.
best of luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): I know it is probably eating at you, I can only imagine for I am one too who hates to be falsly accused and put into a situation in which I cant even defend myself for fear it will make the situation far worse in the long run. Sadly, you are going to have to just grin and bear it. If you bring it up, you are only going to add fuel to the fire, and if by chance they are indeed talking about it, then this situation has a tendency to spiral way out of control, and turn into some sort of salem witch hunt with you being persecuted before all is said and done. The best thing you can do is not feed in. If someone approaches you regarding this subject, then you can interject your thoughts, but briefly - ie, "I think its appaling that I was accused of such a thing, its absolutely untrue and I'd prefer not to waste another minute talking about it" and then drop the subject and move on. The only other thing I wish for you is that there was some way you could document these false statements WITHOUT looking like you are guilty and trying to cover your tracks. You stated that you sent the friend a message, but often times even that little form of contact makes you look all the more guilty. Could you not go to a boss/manager/superior that you trust and then explain that you were falsly accused and then ask for advice on how to handle the situation? If nothing more, at least you have a neutral party that has been made aware of the situation should this reach mass hysteria proportions. Lastly, these mutual female friends...stay away from them, all of them. If that cant be avoided, then be cordial, but keep it professional. My gut instinct on this one is that one of the other female friends like him romantically, and was too afraid to ask direct questions, instead using you as a scapegoat, such as: "positivethinker was asking if you were married, where you lived, if you liked chocolate, what size shoe you wore, (im sure you get the idea)" to try and fish information out of him. Also, often times if a woman is attracted to a man they will also flirt in such a way in which they accuse other women of liking the guy just to gauge his reaction towards not only them, but the woman they are accusing of harboring feelings for him. So, in a sense, other women will sometimes use other women to their own devices, and these kind of women are dangerous precisely for the reason you are going through, and more. If he ever does approach you, I would let him know that you do not subscribe to such juvenile childish nonsense, especially if its completely untrue, that you were hurt he would even believe it, but hopefully you can both move on from there. Good Luck!!
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A
female
reader, positivethinker +, writes (15 July 2011):
positivethinker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your reply! I'm not attracted to this person romantically, I just like them as a friend.
Because I've really not been asking anyone info on him, I can't even begin to guess who told him this! The only people we both know here though are female.
Thank you, I will avoid him as much as I can. Hopefully over time he will realise and perhaps one day the friendship can be repaired.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (15 July 2011):
just blank him and avoid him. for whatever reason this other person is shit stirring, and the best thing you can do is not talk to your so called "best friend". if you really were best friends then maybe this person wouldn't have taken the accusation so seriously.
what i'm saying is that in your attempts to be friendly maybe you have come across as overbearing (or romatically interested), and somebody else decided to add some lies into the mix and see if some kind of dispute occurred for their own entertainment. the reality is that he may see you as fancying him and maybe doesn't want to offend you, but isn't interested.
it does to be sound like this person IS NOT your best friend. move on, stop talking to them and find people who you can build genuine friendships with.
men and women can be friends BUT there are also situations were friendship is used as a ruse to be in contact with a person you are attracted to. this guy is not worth your time.
is the person who told him this information by any chance another female??? hmmm
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