A
female
age
36-40,
*onfused1988
writes:I think i'm beginning to like my best friends husband. i know the stigma's involved with that, but let me explain the situation first. they have been together for about 6 years, married for 2, and both are quite young (i'm talkin early 20's). At the moment, she's left him, she doesnt feel the same way about him anymore, they dont do anything together, dont have fun, dont even hang out with the same friends. she's changed a lot in the last 12 months, developed as a person, became more confident and sure of herself through a 6months work course she did. she also met someone in that course that has dramatically affected her. which i can understand, he generally has that affect. the friendship has grown stronger over the last 12 months, as they do, but she has also developed feelings for him, which has led her to question whether she really loves her husband the way she should anymore, and so she has moved out in order to get her head straight and try and figure out whether they can get back to where they were, or if she even wants too. the only real problem with that is that she is actually living with the friend. his family has become closer than her own since she has known him, so his mum offered to let her stay if she needed somewhere. since this, things have intensified between the two even more. nothing has happened so far, but it seems pretty inevitable that it will. i dont begrudge her her decisions, i think everyone has to make the ones that are right for them, but i wonder if she would feel the same if i told her i think i may be developing feelings for her husband. i've never had a real relationship before, tho i've been lookin for one for a fair while, turnin down the blokes that only want entertainment. been there done that, made me feel like shit. but even tho i've been lookin, i've never met anyone that i could actually imagine myself being in a relationship with. i couldnt imagine conversations with them, what we would talk about it, couldnt imagine spending time with them with just the two of us, or doing just every day things like washin dishes or anything, layin on the couch watchin tv. i was driving to work this morning after havin spent the evening with him, i had orginally gone around to spend a lil time with my friend just while she was organising a few things before heading back to where she was staying, she left, i was watchin a top gear with him, and then the xfiles movie was on so we sorta jst stayed there watchin it, laughin, and just talkin about general shit. i didnt think anything of it, until this morning. i was just driving along, and it just sort of popped into my head. i feel bad, i didnt set out with any such intentions, never thought of him in that way, i've actually know him for quite a few years as he's been friends with my older brother since they went thru highschool together. but i just never thought of him that way, didnt think he was my type. but alllll day random thoughts have been popping into my head, us sitting around outside with my family havin a bbq, layin on couch together watchin tv, grocery shopping. its not even sexual stuff. tho i did push myself to think of it, coz i thought well if you cant imagine that then u definately dont have anything to worry about. but i could. it wasnt intensily passionate, rippin each others clothes off or anythin. it was just really sweet. maybe thats saying something. i dont know.i'm so confused. usually i can tell when i'm making something out of nothing. but i dont know this time... please help..?
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female
reader, clara123  +, writes (9 March 2009):
I will reply again because I don't think you like what you hear. My advice to you is please stay away from this man, you obviously have feelings for him, and if your feelings are unable to be controlled I suggest you and your best friend part company until you are absolutely certain that you have no feelings for this man. I am so against any women having feelings for a married man, this has not happened to me, but I know of a very good friend of mine- her husband went off with her best friend and it destroyed her. Forget about him, don't see him and move one.
A
female
reader, confused1988 +, writes (9 March 2009):
confused1988 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would just like to explain that this is hardly the first guy that i've been able to feel comfortable around. i have lots of male friends who i hang out with regularily, and who 'pay snipets of attention to me'. in fact most of them are ridiculous flirts n if i was stupid enough to take them seriously then i'd be a hell of a mess. so please dont assume that coz i'm young i fall head over heels for any guy who looks in my general direction. and i have no intention of breaking up my friends marriage, i am behind her 100%, i would love to see them work things out coz i hardly get to see her at the moment. hell, i'm encouraging her to look into counciling or something. i duno what sort of answers i was looking for... i'm a lil offended that people automatically assume i'm plannin on jumpin into bed with him the moment her back is turned, or that i'm plotting to break them up.
sorry for ranting. i guess i didnt really expect ppl to reply, jst sorta needed it off my chest n didnt have anyone to talk to. u know what, i reckon its like associate pain or watever. sort of feel like i'm losing my best friend. so hanging on to him in the hopes of keeping something, but in the process confusing my normal friendshipness n thinkin maybe its meaning something more.
=D i'm all good now haha... i jst needed to dribble shit somewhere. cheers to u all. dont bother replyin, i gots it all figured now!! =D thanks tho
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (9 March 2009):
I can understand why, if this is the first guy that you've just hung out with and had nice times with, that you may feel you have feelings for him.
But hun, he's married. He's married to your friend. He probably relaxes and is nice to you because he THINKS he can and you won't take anything from it.
I really think you could be in love with the idea of that kind of relationship rather than in love with this guy who happened to accidentally give you a tiny taste of it.
Back away from both of them. Leave her to make her decisions and mistakes and leave him to it so you don't really develop any feelings and get hurt.
Go out and start dating again. Meet new people and find a guy who you can relax and be yourself around. There are lots of nice guys out there. You just have to get out there and find them.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): Keep away this is you're friend you are talking about please do not betray her, if this man was single and they split up then great you could potentially have a relationship with this man. They are married do not break up what they have - find someone who is single and you have connection with rather than breaking up someone elses(your best friends) marriage up. Would you like it if you were married and you're best friend fancied your husband and wanted to do something about it? you would be devasted. Leave all married men alone and soley focus on the single me.
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