A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For some, life is beautiful but for some others like me it is agonizing.I have been married for a few years now and did not want children until recently mainly due to financial hiccups. But then many problems are causing us to delay it further and meanwhile I have fallen out of love.My parent got terminally ill in between and life has been dragging around it since then. I have not been able to do ANY SINGLE thing that I wanted to do and whatever I do eventually falls short for my parents and my family. I have always done my DUTY without grunting and always understood my parents' woes.But personally, I have become abominably irritant, detached and indifferent because of the pain I have been bearing for years now. I have also fallen in love with my parent's doctor. I know it is ridiculous and silly as doctors would be caring, compassionate and loving towards all their patients and that it is their JOB. But I can't help my feeling towards him even when I know that he doesn't love me. I have tried to be away from him, to change the doctor and to move away. But fate would throw me again towards him. He is a nice person and has never led me on.My life has been really hanging on a brittle bar of uncertainty and chaos. I lose temper easily, always want to be alone, seeking happiness, some isolation and some chance to escape this world of pain. To my utmost disappointment, I have become very selfish and self centred and don't even bother to take care of husband. I don't study or work. I have lost interest in improving myself, I can't concentrate in books or prayer. I know I won't live in real any fantasy that I may have now. My life unlike his is bitter, sensitive and crumpling. But I am really in love with him. I see disaster for myself and there is no hope in my life now. I have no idea what to do. It is really suffocating.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear female reader,Honestly, there is nothing good in my life that I can concentrate on right now.I have lost a few good years of my life where I could have studied, worked or had a baby. I am stressed out and suffers from ill health occasionally. I can't drive, study or read as I can't concentrate easily.My father's ill. My mother has become eccentric and hyperactive. we are at each other's neck now.My husband is frustrated. His professional life is sick.There are a lot of financial problems and other stuff at stake. I feel like the world is closing around me.There is no point in looking down on world war victims or orphans now. Because there are many others who have been able to do what they wnat in life. I know nobody is without problems. But they are able to live life with them. I am not. My friends FIL is ill but she goes to office, earns well, takes care of her kid, drives and does what she wants to. Whereas my parent is sick and everybody is sick! Everything is dysfunctional.I was a brilliant student. I am nothing now. A big Zero.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): This may sound trite, but have you tried focusing on all the good things that ARE going right in your life? For example do you have your health, are you able-bodied, do you have a roof over your head, food on your table? Do you live free of the fear of random violence, unlike those in war torn countries?
there are so many in this world who don't have the basic necessities of life. there is much to be thankful for!
I know it doesn't make your problems go away. But it helps to put them into perspective and offset their impact on you.
Also remember - no one leads a perfect life. You look around and see your friends who are married with kids and you wish you had their life. But I bet that many of them, behind the perfect exterior and white picket fence, are having problems of their own too. Maybe health problems, maybe husband is cheating on them, maybe money problems, or maybe regrets that they gave up their dreams to have kids and now regret paths not taken, who knows....
I'm not trying to minimize your problems, just trying to offer some suggestions to help you feel better so you can cope while trying to change your situation. I'm in a tough personal situation myself now, I'm having sort of a personal crisis where I feel like my life is so not what I had intended and planned and I'm often full of bitter regrets and disappointment. I often feel very similar to how you describe these days.
A counselor told me the above strategies. At first I scoffed since what I need is for my problems to be solved not to be distracted from them. But with some practice it does help a bit. It may not help all the time because it doesn't make your actual problems go away, but it can bring some temporary relief to your tired mind.
wishing you the best
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you sincerely for your answers.
I am not in clinical depression. But I am annoyed at myself and frustrated with life. I know my parent will now live, I know I can't have my crush, I am not able to love my husband and I don't know when I will have a baby. All uncertainties and unhappiness. I have not been able to find solutions to my problems.
I do get help looking after my parent and my husband does help me from his side. But I have been totally deterred from my desires and wishes and totally destroyed. And falling in for the doc has been a sickly feeling which is imporbable.
But he has had shown signs like super smiles, sweetness, eye contact, shyness, helpfulness, always being there kind of words, mirroring me, looking all over my face, at my ears, lips and hair. So, I can't be blamed. He knows I am married and I know he is not in love with me but he has been a different person with me when alone.
I don't know why he did behave like that if there was no attraction. I don't meet him anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through.
I'm no trained psychologist or therapist but it sure sounds like you are a classic textbook case of depression. which is not surprising given the difficult unending situation you are in. It is common for people to develop depression when they are in a difficult life situation and it drags on and takes a toll.
I am pretty sure you have depression because I have been through it and I can identify with so much of what you describe yourself feeling. My husband currently has been diagnosed with depression and he is also experiencing a lot of what you describe.
When you have depression you feel irritable, always in a bad mood, unable to enjoy any of the things you once used to, you want to isolate yourself, you don't have energy or motivation to do things even things that you used to find easy or enjoyable. You find it hard to care about things or others (even though you may feel guilt about not caring). You feel tired all the time. You have this sense of despair and the future being bleak. You feel powerless and like your life is out of your control.
Please, google for articles on depression. It will help you to understand more about what you are experiencing, what you are going through is very normal for people who have depression.
It may really help to see a therapist who can help you better cope and heal or direct you to a psychiatrist for a medical evaluation and prescription antidepressants if necessary.
I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 You have a lot on your plate it is causing you to be tired and depressed by the sounds of your writing. Firstly, no way would the doctor start a relationship with you because he will lose his job. You have a fixation on him because of how you are feeling now, alone and no where to turn and a kind word has attracted you in that direction. Isn't there a friend you could go and spend some time with just for a change, a chat,or something, someone to listen to your troubles. How much help do you get in the home and looking after your parents. You may have to carry on with the duty and take care of your parent. Maybe you can concentrate more on your self when the time comes. You could always change your doctor so that will be one thing that you don't have to fixate on and can concentrate on being strong for the other things you must do. If you say you have become selfish then use this energy in to looking after yourself and insisting on things you want in your life and how you want that to go ahead. Make people sit up and do their bit. Good Luck!
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