A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay. Well basically me and my ex boyfriend broke up 4 months ago, I was with him for 9 months, I am now happily in another relationship of 2 months with my new boyfriend and everything so far is going well between us. Me and my exes relationship was very unstable and controlling, he used to try and controll who I spoke to where I went etc, he was known for taking various kinds of drugs (ketermine, weed, meth) which were the reasons why I broke up with him, he was verbally abusive to me throughout are relationship and physically sometimes, and he cheated on me a suspected total of about 3 times. When we did finally break up for good, I had alot of problems with him, invovling him turning up at my house at night, making threats, trying to contact me in anyway possible etc, we did invovle the police and talked about harrassment with them, he now is no longer aloud to walk down my road. Things recently however have been pretty silent off him, but now hes back, and as we have the same friend groups i'm abit stuck for as what to do. Yesterday, I went out with some of my friends, they kindly asked if me and my ex just for today could be nice to eachother, because we always manage to argue some how when we are even in the same room as one and other. I agreed but it wasn't long until he started to bring up the past, this ended in an arguement, and ended in him crying, when I asked him what was up he simply said he wasn't over me. This continued throughout the day, he would break down into tears, spend ages staring at me when he thought I wasn't looking, and trying his god damn hardest to make me feel sorry for him. It did get on my nerves greatly as I just wanted to have a nice day with my friends, and he kept trying to center it around himself, I wasn't the most sympathtic person in the world, but after all the horrible things he has done to me and others why should I be? However due to the barrier it is createing between me and my friends, I am stumped for what to do, I don't wish to leave my friend group because of another person, however i'd like to stay and not really have to sit and be stared and cryed at all day as it puts abit of a gloom on the day. I've tryed being nice to him, he crys, tryed pretending he isn't there, he stares, tryed sorting it out, we argue, so what exactly should I do or say? And how should I go about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013): To be honest, you may need to keep your distance from him and only go out with your friends when he is not around.
I had a similar experience with an ex but he was bad mouthing me but I ended up giving up my friendship group as it made me feel very uneasy having my ex around and knowing he was bitching about me. It made things better in the long term.
Be firm to your friends and say you dont want to be around someone who makes you feel that uncomfortable. True friends would understand. If they dont may I suggest a new friendship group is better (you are young, this should be easy!)
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