A
male
age
41-50,
*obbie_Oz
writes:Hi,I was in a 2 year relationship which finished nine months ago. It was a very passionate relationship and we were deeply in love. The breakup was painful but I got through it after a couple of months and have been on the single scene ever since. My problem now is that every girl I meet I find myself very unenthusiastic about because I just don't get the same feelings right away. I must come across as a bit of a jerk because after a few dates/evenings together I get very cold on the idea of a relationship with them and so I end things. For the past couple of weeks I have been seeing a girl who is lovely, caring, attractive etc, and sure enough we were out last night and I just got this horrible sinking feeling that she isn't the one. I know its so unrealistic to expect any emotional attachment after a few dates, but this feeling of 'she's not the one, time to move on' just consumes me and feels so beyond my control. Its depressing the hell out of me at the moment, because I am now starting to wonder if I will ever love someone again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): I think you are still longing to fill a void that will not be satisfied by dating someone new. If you get the feeling that they're not the one, it's probably accurate. It's probably a sign you are not truely ready to hit the single scene. In actual fact, there is likely no such thing as someone being "the one." The best kind of relationship is when two 'complete' individuals come together in a spirit of love. I'd suggest spending time focusing on your life and goals, trying to find passion through you do with your life, and not through who you date. Eventually you will meet someone new. You will love again just as fully, if not more so. Even 9 months can be too soon. We think when we're able to function and get on with our lives, that it's okay to attempt a new relationship. Chances are, your last relationship revealed to you some of your shortcomings. Perhaps you can work on being a stronger and more loving person right now to the people in your life, and you will eventually attract the right person for you when you are ready. The greiving process is often lengthier and more complicated than we think.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): You could try going out with them a bit longer, and see if it sticks.
Or you could try entertaining the thought that you're not really as patched up as you might outwardly appear. Rebounding from a serious relationship can take a lot of time, and just because you may feel like you've gotten over your ex, doesn't necessarily mean you're ready for something serious with someone else.
The feelings won't come instantaneously. Real feelings take time to develop - they have to be nurtured. (If you're hopping into bed w/ these girls right away, try taking things a bit slower, and give things a chance to develop.)
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