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*arrie
writes: I love this man:As we were dating, he moved to another town where he met this other girl who fell pregnant with his child. He came back told me what happened and that he was going to marry her. I was devastated, but I picked up the pieces and carried on with my life and that was the last time we communicated. That was two years ago.Well he has been transferred to a town were I am working; he looked for me and found me. The story is that he has a child, but the wedding couldn’t kick off because some woman he met while there is obsessed with him and has interfered greatly with his marriage preparations, by threatening his child’s mother and her family, his mother- in- law to be; that everything was cancelled. He wants to start afresh and he wants it to be with me. This guy is my soulmate; I feel it deep down my heart that I came from his rib. I am not dating anyone. I want him but a voice tells me that he’s come to mend, heal and take off again. Please advise me, before I drop again.karrie
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2005): Karrie, you need to listen to that little voice inside you. Nature has equipped all of us with this wonderful thing called intuition. Intuition is exremely important-it helps us stay rational and helps us make important decisions in our life.
Your ex-boyfriend wants back in your life. But before he does come back..you need to do some hard thinking. First of all, while he was dating you, he met another woman and got her pregnant (Red Flag)...he obviously was not committed enough to you because he went outside your relationship to cheat. This tells me he did not love you, like you thought he did. As a result he had a child..which will mean this other woman who is the mother of this child, will be in his life and your life, for a long time to come. (visitations, child support, etc) Are you prepared to help him shoulder the responsibility of helping this other woman raise the child? The last thing this baby needs is a dead beat dad who abandons his responsibility both financially or emotionally. There are already too many children whose fathers have CHOSEN to turn their backs on their children. This baby didn't ask to be brought into this world but since the child's here, it deserves to have a good father who participates in his/her life. My biggest concern is for this child and this should be a concern of yours, as well.
So, if you intend to have this man back in your life, this is now more than just "his" responsibility but yours as well. It is no longer just him taking care of this responsibility, but both of you dealing with the consequences of his actions.
The cancellation of the wedding sounds fishy to me. It sounds like he may have cheated on his future bride with some woman who in turn got rejected and very angry and she created problems. It's likely the bride cancelled the wedding..after realizing he cheated on her. She's likely dumped him..which is why he's back in town looking for you.
Before I would even consider allowing him into your life..I would have him checked out. Ask questions.-do some sleuthing of your own and find out if what he's telling you is the truth. My instinct says he is still definitely a cheater and you could be setting yourself up for more devastation and pain in the future. Don't ignore his behaviour patterns of cheating on the woman he becomes involved with. And realize that it's crucial that your ex-boyfriend be a man you can trust. If he can't be that man, you can't be his woman. I know it's painful to accept that he's may not be the person you thought he was, but without trust a relationship is nothing. Period. End of story. No second acts. See you later, Charlie. Make wise choices, Karrie
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2005): ok. i am sure that you love this man, but he was going to marry another woman! you are a wonderful woman, and you deserve better than that. There is a man out there who is going to bow down, and kiss your toes. This man who you claim is your soulmate.. was ready to marry this woman because she had his child.. His story about some other woman being obsessed.. doesn't seem likely to me. don't get mne wrong. he may be a wonderful guy. but nobody deserves to be second in line. He has a child, and was ready and willing to marry somewone else. If i was you, i wouldn't get involved. mabye the woman "obsessed" with him will threaten you also. I think you should just move on. You seem like a wonderful woman, and every woman deserves a man who will treat her like a princess, and put her ahead of any other woman, and this man doesn't seem like he is going to do that. I hope that helps. good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2005): All i can say to you is trust your heart and listen to what it says to you. You are under some really difficult circumstances here and i think you should consider the fact that you might just be his rebound and he is using you because he knows how you feel about him. Anyways, i wish you the best of luck in your future and i hope i helped you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2005): If you trust him and the only reason you are having doubts is because of the incident in the past i would say don't hold back- life is too short to worry about what if. at the end of the day you have already been as low as you can go. you're stronger now and if the worst came to the worst and he left again you would a- know that he isn't your soulmate and be able to move on with your life & b- cope because you are stronger and more aware.
Good luck!
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reader, becky05 +, writes (18 July 2005):
This man doesnt sound like hes very reliable. I think you would be wise to go your seperate ways.
If you wish to give him a second chance, do so but if he remains unreliable, i think it best to forget about him.
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female
reader, genuine +, writes (18 July 2005):
That tiny voice is your conscience, your gut, whatever you want to call it. That voice knows better than anyone what you should do. Listen to it, please!!! These feelings of him being your soulmate could be coming from just a genuine love for him, or maybe he was the first person you ever opened up to and loved a certain way. If he was your soulmate then things would have worked the first time around. Where is his child now? Is he planning on seeing the child again? And the woman that was interfering? I am 99% sure she was interfering because he was sleeping with her while he was with the one he was supposed to marry. This guy is no good and if you value yourself you wont have anything to do with him. Tell him you just want to be friends and see what happens. Keep in mind he wants to start fresh. He didnt say he wanted to start fresh and make serious changes in his life. Don't let him play you for a fool. Stand your ground and know that there is someone out there for you who won't treat you like he has in the past, and like he will not hesitate to do again given the chance to.
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