A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I met this girl a 2 weeks ago through a mutual friend. That night i took her number and told her we would do something soon enough. A few days later we went out and we had a blast, I ever ran into another friend of mine who saw us together and told me that chemistry looked great. That same night, when she got home she sent me a text telling me thanks for the night. The next day i try and call her and she responds saying I cant pick up I'm in a club, kisses. Took it as a good sign.... but didnt respond. The next day in the evening i tell her I'm having a party at my house and she should join, to which she says I cant I already told people I would go see them, but I ll try and come.2 days later I call her at night and ask her how she is and whats she up to and she tells me shes just at home relaxing and was going to stay in. In the meantime she tells my friend that she feels so bad because twice in a row I tried to set something up and she couldn't make it and she felt bad. So again 2 days later I tell her lets do something tonight and she says she will let me know. She gets back to me later that night to say sorry I cant make it and apologizes and says that we will definitively do something soon and again apologized. (my friend did tell me she tends to be lazy)At this point to be honest I'm frustrated a little because I don't like being in this situation. Now I want to initiate the conversation again, but at the same time I want to pull back a little. from What has been said I think she could be interested but this behavior might say something else, What do you guys think ?
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male
reader, k20honda  +, writes (5 August 2012):
Don't call or text her again for the next 3-4 days. Now the ball is in her field, if she's interested then she'll call and ask YOU to do out with her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo tried to call her today, but no response, not going to leave a message , oh well
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 August 2012):
 I agree with giving her a little notice and hold your horses... Slow down a little. Woo her.
Don't expect her to drop everything else for you. After all you have ONLY known her for 2 weeks.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 August 2012):
 I think that you are being naive in believing that you and she can always/often/occasionally make spur-of-the-moment arrangements. If you REALLY liked this girl, and wanted to spend time with her, you could/would/should pin her (and yourself) down to some date 'way in the future... like, say, a week or two.....
I can understand both her and your reluctance to carry on your affair "off the cuff." (because it "means" that you BOTH are ready to see the other... provided that you haven't come up with something better, in the meantime...)
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 August 2012):
 I agree stop asking her out for the same day
call and ask for at least three days in advance...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah I know i might have done to much to start this off, I guess i got to eager and wanted to see her again quickly since our first night out was good.
But by all means don't think that I spoke to her a lot these few times or anything, its just I was the one instigating the conversations
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): Yeah OP you're a bit too eager and giving her no notice, especially by calling her too. OP you seem to forget how long it takes girls to get ready for things, especially dates. Most of the ones I know need a few days notice because they like to look their best perhaps buy knew clothes, get ready with their friends etc.
OP you've done enough, the ball is in her court now, you've asked her out lots of times and she's blown you off each time.
While I agree you completely ambushed her with the same day phone calls, the fact she didn't suggest another day she was free tells me she's not interested.
OP you've made your interest clear, it's time she made hers clear.
I know you're desperate to be with her but you need to cool down and let her respond.
If she feels bad about blowing you off then she'll make the next move. Even lazy people will make the effort if they're interested OP.
So go out, have fun with your friends and give it a week. If she hasn't sent you at least a text then send her a how are you text and perhaps ask her out, make it a monday or tuesday ask her if she'd like to meet up during the weekend. That way she'll be less likely to have made plans yet and less likely to busy all three days of the weekend. You'll know for certain whether she's interested then.
But seriously no matter whose advice you decide to follow here OP you really need to cool down, stop ambushing her with phone calls and see how she responds to your interest waning a bit.
By all means don't give up completely but do stop trying so hard. You're putting her under an awful lot of pressure and if she already is starting to feel bad about blowing you off then that's not a good way to feel, dating is about fun, you don't want people feeling bad.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 August 2012):
For starters, calling her the next day was a mistake. You should have waited at least two or three days then send a non-chalant text. No woman wants to be with a man who has no other options.
That said, if your play it cool and she's still "too busy," the do one of two things. The first is to tell her to break her plans bc she's going out with you. Her reaction to this will tell you much. The second is just move on. Girls who are into you generally dont have to make excuses to be elsewhere.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice all, I will take this into account. I do think she has some interest because when we talk or chat she does laugh and all, but Id prefer to do more when together than rather on the phone or via text
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (1 August 2012):
 Women don't appreciate being "jumped on" for same day get togethers, often. Especially if she's got a really active social life, she's going to have made a LOT of plans in advance, and unless you appreciate her scheduling, you're never going to see her.
Adjust your strategy. Stop asking for same-day dates, give her at least three or four days in advance. Call on Monday to ask about a Friday date, so she can rearrange if necessary. If she's still turning you down after you try this a few times, lose her number.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok I will try that, but i think i will let a few days pass in the meantime
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 August 2012):
 Quit trying the same day get togethers. Ask her out a couple of days ahead of time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): It's a tough one, maybe try one last time and ask her if you can arrange a time when you can hang out, and ask her for a suggestion of when would be a good time and what she would like to do. Maybe then it will work out. I personally find it difficult to make plans at the last minute, I like to be prepared and have some warning, not the last minute kind of thing. Just a thought, she may be wondering if your really interested too, as it seems it's a last minute kind of thing, like when you say lets do something tonight, I always feel that a guy is just bored and nobody else is about with those kind of things, whereas if a guy says to me on wednesday, how about we do something on friday night, I feel as though he actually wants to spend time with me. I suggest you try that approach before deciding she isn't interested. I get you may not be the kind of person who likes to plan ahead, my current man doesn't either, but in order to get me he realised he had to give me some advanced plans so I could be sure I wasn't just a cure for him boredom as he put it. Hope this helps. Good Luck
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