A
male
age
41-50,
*rult
writes:Just like to say thank you for taking the time to read this question!I have been with my girlfriend for 18 months. She's the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. But recently we have been having problems. We have had a few serious conversations were she has pointed out areas that I need to work on, communicating more, keeping intouch more, bit more romance etc. I also have pointed out that I would like her to be more affectionate (initiate things)- give me a kiss, hold hands etc. I have been working on the things that I need to do, i talk to her every day, leave little notes, chocs, flowers etc the communication thing is a little harder but Im trying. But my girlfriend has never initiated anything - a kiss, a hug nothing! nothing in 18 months ,its always me who does the kissing and cuddling etc, she says its because she doesnt feel secure in the relationship. I feel that she is just moving the goalposts everytime. Every area that she has pointed out I have worked on but I feel she hasnt. Any help/suggestions pls.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Trult +, writes (31 October 2007):
Trult is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the advice!
A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (30 October 2007):
 Hello.
In a relationship you are both equal, ask her why she keeps going on about you having to change, why is she not also changing herself to suit both your needs, if she does not feel secure in the relationship, then it is her to blame for your problems, do not let her change you she will make you loose your identity, then life will be so confusing for you.
You need to find out why she feels so insecure, if after 18 month she cant make her mind up what she wants then she never will,you need to talk to her and ask her why she wont hold your hand or cuddle you,it maybe that she is not an affectionate person, but at least you will then now her problem, it sound to me that she is taking you for a ride and you should put your foot down and tell her how much she is hurting you, or she will continue to do so, then she will for any simple reason walk out on you, you really need to take charge of the situation, and give her the full facts, but dont shout or use any violent measure that will not do you any good.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): i think you need to sit her down and talk to her - after all its not really fair that your the one left making all the changes.She needs to realise that the 'issues' she had with you are no more important than the ones you have with her and its about time she started pulling her weight.I think the only thing you can do is be honest with her that way at least you both know where you stand.take care
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